Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • To YYZ by: Karinda 12 years 6 months ago

    I´ve been hanging here for a while, in order to better understand my ex BF (with adhd) and what happened in our relation. Still learning A LOT  from all you posters, and Melissa, very grateful.
    But my main impression is what a fantastic person you seem to be YYZ, I guess half of the women on this forum are in love with you, and I am no exception ;-) You are such an example for any man or woman, adhd or not. Funny, considerate, humble, intelligent, loving (your wife) and mature. I have learned so much about ADD from your posts.

    My point is, if you somehow could persuade your wife to read your posts here, she ought to see what an amazing husband she has and is risking to lose, if she can´t let go of her anger (don´t misunderstand me, I realize she has been through a lot of suffering).

    Hope this post doesn´t offend anyone, I just had to express my admiration for you, YYZ! 

    (As a Swedish citizen I am not very good in the English language, my apologize.)

     

     

  • Is the non-ADHD spouse compatible with the ADHD spouse???? is that possible???? by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 6 months ago

    I don't mean to sound mean or harsh but the thought just occurred to me as to if the(non-ADHD spouse is compatible with the ADHD spouse) ??? is that possible??

    My spouse and Myself really hit it off the right way,the(hyper focused courtship) is one thing but I always felt that deep connection between us,But then suddenly all the things that were hanky dory came to almost an end.We seem soo compatible at first but then it was as if we are two completely different people.He thinks acts and wanted the dreams as myself when we first met and then suddenly we are on (two)different roads,things are really out of control and I don't love him as much as before.I am scared of all this,I am scared to fall out of love and I am scared not to fall out of love.I have never been so confused in my entire life!!

    how it is you can be compatible with someone so different????

    it's just not possible????

    am I wrong?? or right???

    two different people with different circumstances.

    lovehurts.

  • Restarting the conversation by: jnw010683 12 years 6 months ago
    I want to know peoples best experiences with reversing a conversation that went wrong. Too many times I've walked away from an argument or conflict with no satisfaction, resolution or compromise. Were bolth stubborn and correct on all subjects so I wanted to hear anyone's opinions or comments on what they did or do to communicate. By the way counting to ten dose not always work. I love my husband with all my heart so I want help making it a goal to end all conversations with a hug and a kiss. If its not too much a massage too.
  • hydro HELP! by: amonty1026 12 years 6 months ago
    Idk if this is the right forum to post in but I didn't see one for what I need advice on. A quick back story: I have kidney stones and recently was hospitalized for 4 that were in my kidney and one that had to be removed (the stone not the kidney). I had a stent put in and was prescribed hydrocodone for the pain. I did not take but maybe two over a week period. I'm very cautious about them because I've heard they're addictive. I over heard my husband talking to his friend saying he "took one on Thursday but not since and was hurtin". I found this peculiar and instinctively checked my scripts. I discovered that out of a quantity of 50 only 18 were left. I confronted my husband and he adamantly denied he took them. This was in March. We argued a couple times about it, each time he denied it. A recent conversation with his best friends ex girlfriend this topic was brought up. She said she knew he was taking pills, hydro. She didn't know much beyond this. I of course immediately flushed the meds after I found so many missing. We are in therapy and it was brought up. He had also taken one of my muscle relaxers (car accident). I had taken none. I confronted him about the missing pill. He said yes he grabbed it but never took it. He brought me the pill to prove he hadn't taken it. I am going to say this was a week ago. He began his adhd meds yesterday. I need to know if anyone has experience with this? Is this common to adhd? If so, will it always be this way? I'm very dead set on zero drug use including taking scripts not prescribed to you. Please help.
  • Obsession by: jennalemon 12 years 6 months ago

    I have become obsessed with the incongruity in life with DH.  Lies, half truths, broken promises, manipulations.  I cannot go on like this. I am embarrassed to myself that I have put up with so much.  I don't know this person I have become. When I was young, I had a secure life with my family.  I am not secure enough to be happy. I am waiting for the next thing that "does not add up" - deception and confusion. 

  • MY TURN TO LIVE NOW!!!! by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 6 months ago

    That's it!!!! over finish!!!!! he took me for granted,ADHD OR NONE,he ruined me,I have been doing everything possible to save my marriage,I put up with his nonsense and he just don't get it!!! he pushed me away this time for good!!! the porn the watching of the women the verbal abuse the time he ruined my birthday,EVERYTHING,I have read books,blogged here,search and search for answers when all he had to do was work on him!!!!!! he never did and still don't want to change!! I have so many things to look forward to in my life and he is no help for me, he is bringing me down with his nasty behaviors and I am sick of it!!! I lived according to his lifestyle,I put UP with the torture,the mental and emotional abuse,all of it to try with him b/c I loved him dearly, he was supposed to be there for me also but he can't.What am I supposed to do!!!

    Last night he crushed me for the 1,000 time,he went out looking all dazzling and left me home wondering were he was at for the whole night!!! I can't take this type of abuse,it is sending me crazy,I have blogged here about my whole marriage with him and the things he did to me!!! what a horrible experience,I have been hurt soo bad by him!! he has no idea what he did to me this time.I spend my days and nights and all my spare time trying to come up with ways to make this work,but it was only me that was making the effort not him!!

    Today he is calling my phone nonstop to make me get upset for his sick reasons again!! I switched off my phone and I am changing my number,I am not doing this again,I would find other things to do with my time,I will find back my friends and hang out and go back to school and continue to work and take care of my kids.I am DONE living for him it's my time to LIVE now!!!

    lovehurts.

  • i think i'm done by: amonty1026 12 years 6 months ago
    Married not even a year but we've been together over four years and I'm fed up with the disrespect and dismissive behavior! He will do things like self medicate and when I attempt to have a conversation with him he reverts to childish and disrespectful behavior. He was anxious waiting for his adhd to be prescribed so he took a friends pill. He said he was worried about us fighting so much and that I'd leave him before he got the pills. I was unhappy about it but was understanding (this isn't the first time) so I attempted to talk to him. He responded by berating me saying I never forgive anything and just like to fight. I stayed calm and kept trying to talk. We get home and swings my car door into a tree and doesn't apologize. I still didn't yell or berate. I told him that was really disrespectful. He responds with saying "if you were smarter you would know that was out of my control." After about 15 minutes of getting no where with him I called him a choice name and stomped off to bed. He said we would talk about it "tomorrow" but come sunday he ran off to an auction but not before claiming I was yelling at him. At this point I did yell and left the house. He was gone until 15 minutes before he had to leave for work. Then he texted me before he came home asking if he can come home. I told him no because I'm tired of the arguing and lying and disrespect. He again said sorry I effed up. Thing is he wants that to be it. He uses sorry like a fix all. If I attempt to mention my feelings he starts being a jerk. He stayed with a friend that night. Yesterday his clutch cable for his bike came and he once again blew me off to do what he wanted. I told him he needed to have a conversation to resolve the issue and he told me I could talk to him while he fixed his bike. I told him no and him for a third time he was making his wants a priority over my needs. It turned into a fight. I left the house again. Once he was finished with his bike he texted me to come home to talk. I told him to move out at least for awhile. If this was an isolated incident I wouldn't be considering divorce but its like this every single time. He says I over react even when he gets me kicked out of school. He does absolutely nothing to show me it was genuinely a mistake and he feels bad about it. He expects that no matter what he's done that I should just forgive him and that all he's got to do is say sorry. Not to mention I had to take over finances because he impulsively spends money then turns around and calls me controlling. Idk how to get through to him and I feel I'm falling out of love with him.
  • When he's overwhelmed, he pushes me out. by: therippleeffect 12 years 6 months ago

    I've been dating my boyfriend for almost one year, and he was diagnosed with ADHD about four years ago. He's been on medication ever since, which seems to really help him focus at his job. His profession is extremely stressful; he's a therapist for adolescents from broken homes and many of them have committed serious crimes. The stuff he hears every day is super, super intense. It's been about one year since my BF got this job, and he's starting to crack under all of the pressure. In addition, he has financial troubles, had to move far away from me, family & friends for the job - and feels incredibly isolated. 

    We have been getting into the same sort of argument for weeks now. I tell him what I need/looking for, and he seems to get overwhelmed by it. It seems that no matter what I ask for, he always says no. Basically we went from seeing each other several times a week to once or twice. I am the type of person who needs more attention, I guess, or quality time spent together. It seems like we aren't matching up right now. He feels overwhelmed by any more time spent than that, and it's slowing making me turn away from him. Honestly I think this series of fights has made him look at me in a different light: as if I am now a chore, or something else that he has to "take care of." I do feel bad for "putting him down" and making him feel like he's a bad boyfriend.

    Admittedly, I have put him down quite a bit, and I wish I could take back those words because I know they didn't help. It was like kicking a puppy when he was already down :/ 

    I don't really know how to rebuild our relationship at this point. I am willing to try and be more patient and give him the space he needs to sort through things. He is actively looking for a new job and hoping to move back home. I think much of this would be resolved by that, but in the meantime it's really hard to wait. 

    He's never been able to sustain a relationship while in the every day. His mother told me that when he feels "overwhelmed" he always looks at the relationship as something that could possibly go. He told me the other day he doesn't want that to happen to us because I'm such a great person & and he could really see himself with me. He wants to actively try and have everything.

    What do I do when he's overwhelmed and pushing me out? My only solution at this point is to delve into myself again: find things that make me happy & start going out and doing them. It's so sad to see what's happened to my BF in one year. He went from a charismatic man who had loads of hobbies and friends. Now, due to his overwhelming job & lifestyle, he has fallen into a serious depression where he no longer does any of the things he used to once do.

    Any help would be appreciated. 

  • It took me 15 years and this forum to realize it was me... by: catch22adhd 12 years 6 months ago

    I have been married for 15 years.  We have 4 beautiful children but our marriage is really on the rocks.  While we live under the same roof, we may as well live in separate states.  I am an undiagnosed ADHD male spouse.  My marriage has been struggling for sometime now and I really did not understand why.  I am an educated successful professional, but can not fix the problems in my own home.  I can not tell you how frustrating it is to be a problem solver and can not seem to solve my own problems.  After reading the post on this forum particularly from the non-adhd female spouses, I get it.  Finally I get it.  My wife has gone from, wow this is great, to what was that, to something is not right, to there it goes again, to frustration, to anger, to bitterness, to being numb.  I originally thought that it takes 2 to make a marriage work and to some degree I still do, but after I have been disconnected for so long and being a typical male ADHD husband, I am beginning to understand the depth of her hurt.   I love my wife dearly, but I do not know how to get pass the walls of protection that she has built around herself to protect her from being disappointed or hurt by my actions.  I do not know how to rebuild our relationship.  I do not know how to push pass the loneliness and sometimes despair that I feel in order to reach her.   I do not know how much longer I can hold on to nothing.   If it took 15 years to get here, will it take that long to get out of this mess?

  • Dressed "UP" smelling like roses and gone out!!!! by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 6 months ago

    Well somehow DH is in action!!!! I find it irritably annoying that he felt the need to dress "UP" smelling like roses and gone out!!! but my question is where did he go??? he said the house is making him sick so he is going to the casino to vent,I asked him if he wanted me to accompany him, he said no!!! "you have to work tomorrow"well forgive me if I am wrong but everyone has to work tomorrow, it was clear that he did not want me with him, and he wanted to go alone.But we were fighting since Friday and Sunday we sort of ration things out,so I thought he "would"or "should" be missing me but clearly he is not,but he was moving really odd tonight and acting upon his ways to just get me out his way!! I guess he is on his own mission to accomplish what ever he is after,I hope he really is at the casino and no where else,it is not like him to leave me and go out without me,this is different,but I guess this was coming up too along with many other disturbing things,OMG!!! what's next!!!! tell me I am wrong please!!!

    lovehurts.

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