Hello all,

I was diagnosed with ADD about 2 years ago after my wife urged me to see a therapist. We have been together for 20 years and the diagnosis gave her an "ah-ha" moment because in that moment she began to understand why I did the childish,crazy things, the lying, the hiding things, the needing someone to take care of me over the years. I have always been another child in the household and these things have driven her crazy. One of the biggest problems that I have is not being a freethinker, a critical thinker. I let other people do my thinking for me.(not so much anymore.) I would go with the flow so that I didn't cause any waves. 

I am currently seeing a therapist and attending a group meeting. I have been taking Strattera for the ADD and recently started taking Celexia for anxiety. I feel that some areas of my life are coming together but I still have major problems with critical thinking. It seems like once a day my wife asks"what were you thinking?" To which I reply that I really did not think about it, I would  just blurted something out. I did not learn several of the basic skills that kids learn growing up(I am 44). Has anyone else experienced the lack of critical thinking. If so, how did the behavior change, if at all? I am currently trying to read some articles that I found but reading reference materials and medical items is not one of the best things I do.

Thanks for listening(reading),

SlopeADD

  I've always thought that music had a wonderful way of pulling emotion out of me and I came across an old favorite song that I hadn't heard since my wife's ADD diagnosis.  I listened, but this time the words hit a deeper, much sadder chord in my heart.  It says everything I'm feeling about the emotional roller coaster my/our lives have become in the past few years, how I have to say goodbye to the now unrealistic expectations of our relationship, and just how incredibly lonely I've now become.  Please.  Take a listen and let me know what you think about this song.....it brings me to tears every time I hear it.  This song is who and where I am.

 Best wishes.

Tired Old Man

T.O.M.

The song is on Youtube,  search for Moby "Signs of Love".  The lyrics are in a pull down under the youtube frame.

I take Adderall once a day in the mornings usually 10-15 mg vs the prescribed 30's or I stay up way too long.

I am American.  Wife is German.   She is not born in America with German descent, but moved from Germany 4 years ago.  She speaks good English.  I think it is important to point that out as I think there is a disconnect between the cultures and communication in general.

At this point, I am not sure if the marriage has a chance of improvement (we are currently separated).  We are both quite stubborn and have had struggles from the beginnign.  We have two boys as well and I have an older boy from a previous marriage.

Taking medication is definitely a big help for me and getting things done.  

I think she has ADD as she possess's the same symptoms as I do...and i think she would benefit from some help, but like read many places, she feels ADD is somthing created by doctors...

I am no saint I recognize that, however am one half of the relationship.  

I am close to being done...any improvements on relationships where both partners have ADD?

Suggestions or help?

okay first a little  backstory.  My husband was diagnosed with ADD-i almost 2 years ago while deployed in Iraq.  When he is off his medicine and it's a "bad day" he's loud, compulsive= he say's things without thinking them through and buys things on a whim or without fore-thought,  he is a sensitive guy even more so without the help of his medicine which is  Ridalin and something else but I forget what it is...he's training with is reserve unit right now and took his medicine with him so I can't read the bottle.  But he takes the medicine for anxiety, depression, and focus.   He was about to take the garbage out one day and before he left I mentioned in passing that it's full (as in the garbage is full, our landlord lives above is in another unit so it can fill up faster then expected).  When he came back in he was very stern look, tight-lipped.. and asked "what is that supposed to mean?" not it a casual curious kinda way  but accusatory, there was a double meaning behind what I said tone.  Which I didn't have at all, no big deal, I calmly explained that when I said " the trash is full" that is all I meant...that maybe you could save the trip because it's all ready full and you can't leave trash bags outside the bin or sticking out of it.  I didn't tell him all that just that "the trash is full" means exactly that "the trash is full" no sarcasm or double meaning or coniving behind it.  His response was oh and our day continued.  Or if I bring up an issue...such as us not being intimate...which sometime we can talk about in a productive manner...though he never follows through..at least not in the last 5 or so months.   Often if I bring this issue or anything eating at me (it feels like anything) he sometimes turns this issue on me and says it's my fault or he'll change the topic into something else about me.... such as he didn't like that I talked so loud in wal-mart because everyone can hear our business and they don't need to know - which became I don't trust him (he said this not me) - to I don't share his last name so I must not trust him - to he doesn't trust me - to being fuming mad about something unrelated to anything that was the original argument.   At home with me he randomly yells (not angry yell but yell like an exuberant feeling or I hate to say this but like a young child might act and 6 or 7).  After which he'll say "sorry, I just had to get it that out" but he may do this repeatedly all day and night (some nights he doesn't sleep).  In public he contains his exuberance but you can physically see him  trying to contain himself...leg shake, pacing, etc.   He had to drop out of school (college courses) because us social anxiety and being around people made him uncomfortable.  Hopefully, if he wants to, he can pursue college again when he's ready.

He see's my responses to his questions or comments often as conniving, "fixing his problem", sneaky, disrespectful, sarcastic, or crafty....which they are not.  I used to be very "mothery" toward him,  reminding/nagging in often.  I've learned to back off, take his small accomplishments as successes not a-job-half-done, like I was doing 6 months ago.  For example sweeping the floor but sweeping the dust into a corner but forgetting to put the broom away or leaving the dust and broom there.  Or starting the dishes but not finishing them.   He'll get to it when he does or I'll remind in a way he likes and then he'll get up and finish it or finish his whatever  he's currently doing then finish the dishes.    Small things don't get to me like they used to.  It helps that I'm going to my own therapist now as well as his own and we both go to couples counseling.

When he's on his medicine he can multi-task, accomplished his to do list, has good follow through, he focuses on conversation and listens, he's a busy-bee, sometime he doesn't eat though because he's just not hungry, I'll bring him dinner or whatever  but the meds make him lose his appettite...which without his meds can be VERY impulsive in eating.  

Anways I'm worried because he is considering going off his medicine because he feels like he does better on the meds but as time goes on he has a harder time coping off the meds - his symptoms are worse the days he doesn't take his meds.

I would also like to say that he doesn't have a schedule for taking his meds some days it twice a day each week (like he should and on weekends)...he usually skips weekends.   Somedays he sleeps in until noon or later and say's it is too late to take the meds now so he'll skip or he just won't take any meds all week because he just doesn't or he'll say he doesn't like being in a fog so goes off it then back on then off.

Going off and on it meds is where he realized without his medicine his symptoms are more noticeable and severe...his concern is that if it keeps taking his medicine that he'll never be able to stop or go off it permanentaly because he won't be able to function without meds and that is his biggest fear... he wants to be who he WAS before deployment (after which his ADD-i became severe, before it was mild to moderate) who he used to be.

I want to tell him he should focus on who he is today, where he is today, the present... he focuses so much on the past and the negative in himself now.   I'm nervous for him to go off his meds entirely...this idea was his own and not consulted with through his doctor who prescribes these medications.

Have  another other ADDr's or non-ADDr's quit their meds cold-turkey or nown someone who has...what were the effects, your respsonse, reaction, their reaction, etc.

Thank you.