Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • Looks at other women by: zellaam 12 years 10 months ago

    I've been dating my 50 year old, ADD, boyfriend for over a year.  At the beginning he completely hyper focused on me with poetry, romantic evenings, compliments, etc.  It was heaven.

    Well...I know now that he still loves me, even though I don't get the poems anymore or the romantic attention.

    But there's one thing I struggle with.  He stares at other attractive women when we are out together.  He even used to point them out to me, like I would be interested, until I told him to stop.  I've tried talking to him, explaining how hurtful it is for me, but he just  gets defensive and tells me I'm too insecure.

    I do have some insecurities but this is not just about me.  I feel it's disrespectful to be looking at other women when he should be focusing on meI've never dated anyone before, who ogled women like this.

    So...is this an ADD thing?  Do ADD men find it harder to tear their eyes away from a pretty woman?   It's getting to the point that I don't want to go anywhere with him because I know it will happen.  I think of myself as a pretty confidant person most of the time, but the ogling, combined with less attention, is starting to make me feel unattractive and boring to him.

  • Behavioral component of ADHD treatment by: PoisonIvy 12 years 10 months ago

    Hi.  My husband has ADD or ADHD (he says its the former, but I think it might be the latter, because he cannot keep his hands or feet still when he's sitting down).  He has struggled with depression since he was a teenager but was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD just a few years ago.  He is on meds.  He loves them.  Not that he overindulges, but he's really into the pharmaceutical approach, trying this, trying that, saving meds from old prescriptions, taking nonprescription things (for example, melatonin and fish oil capsules).  I think this reflects his scientific training. 

    But he seems to have problems making behavioral changes.  For example, in our relationship, as in many relationships in which one spouse has ADD/ADHD, we do very unequal amounts of household chores.  The one chore that my husband is very willing to do regularly is vacuuming, and this makes me happy, because I hate to vacuum.  But he can't seem to find a way to remember to vacuum.  He used to program his phone to ring at 8 a.m. on Friday morning and he would vacuum then.  Great.  It was a system and it worked.  Well, he doesn't do that anymore.  Another example:  he hasn't had a full-time job in almost three years.  This is a big deal to me.  I've said that him looking for a job is very important to me and that his failure to do so is approaching the point of being a deal breaker for our marriage. But he can't get himself to sit down and take the steps that are needed to apply for jobs. 

    I've suggested that he get an ADHD coach.  He said that he doesn't want to spend money on this right now (valid point).  But I'm not seeing the behavior changes that would really help his ADD/ADHD and thus might help our relationship.  Any tips for what he can do and what I can suggest?  Thank you.

     

  • What is fair? by: 1freethinker 12 years 10 months ago

    Hello.  I so appreciate this forum.  Now more than ever.  My husband of almost 19 years does not have ADD, I do.  (Quick funny story: about 18 years ago I tuned into an Oprah show about adult ADD.  I was convinced my husband had this.  But as I watched I realized they were describing everything about me.)  Anyway... H (husband) and I have been separated since 9/10 (but had been living in the same house up until 8/11).  We have 3 kids.  Our oldest will be 18 in a couple of weeks.  He has ADD + mood disorder (mostly depression) + asperger trait's.  He has been at a wonderful therapeutic boarding school (since ~ June '11) waaayyyy out near the west coast and near Canada, we live on the east coast.  Before he went there we sent him to a very loving and nurturing wilderness program in GA last March ('11) and after ~90 days on his last night H and I flew out there to spend the night in the woods with our son.  The next day we all flew out to where he is now.  The day we flew out, just H and I, to stay with our son on his last night in the woods, we sent our 13 year old daughter (AD*H*D-she's VERY energetic) out to CA on an Outward Bound backpacking expedition for kids (boys and girls) her age with the same kind of issues.  Her issues had been lying, emotional outbursts (just with me), and obsessive about boys.  I was concerned about her lack of sense of self, because her boyfriends were her "life".  And we "forbade" her from having a boyfriend because she was too young.  (Reality, H "forbade" it, I did not approve of her having a boyfriend, but it was happening anyway and I wanted her to feel like she could talk about it without being scared of punishment.)  And we have a 7 year old daughter, no noticeable AD/HD symptom's yet, though, the older 2 were "officially" diagnosed when they were ~8-9 years old, but they had symptom's way before.  MY POINT... We have A LOT of challenges.  I work full time weekend shifts, I'm an RN in a NICU (Neonatal ICU- premature and sick newborn babies).  I've been a nurse for >13 years, 10 of those in the NICU at the same hospital.  I do take Prozac and Vyvanse (140mg/day).  I suck at budgeting, organization/cleaning, being consistent, the usual classic ADD stuff.  I'm also very proactive in finding ways to manage my world.  H has been so supportive and patient up until he started a retail business about 3 years ago.  His store is 40 minutes away and he's gone from 7:30ish in the morning to 7:30/8ish at night.  Before that he had a home inspection business and his time was incomparably more flexible.  In other words, he was around to help out more with things around the house and with the kids.  I felt like I had become a single parent when he opened his store.  Shall I summarize??  We had gotten caught in that viscous circle of hopelessness, anger, resentment, etc.  H felt hopeless because I stopped listening and talking with him.  I stopped doing those things because I didn't feel it made a difference and every time I said anything or did anything I got put down and blamed for creating ALL of the chaos.  I truly do understand H's perspective.  I couldn't really "get it" though, until he left to live with his mom this past August.  (He took our 13 y.o. with him because I wasn't able to provide enough structure for her (and other, very complicated reasons).  I was RELIEVED when he left.  I didn't have to worry about what he was going to berate me for next.  I honestly though at times H had a brain tumor because his behavior and the way he treated me was so uncharacteristic.  H has enormous integrity.  When he left, I was ok with it.  I didn't want him to be unhappy and I didn't want him making me unhappy.  I literally said to him, "I love you very much, it's ok if you want to go."  He really didn't want to go, he just wanted me to change.  I took offense with that, sort-of.  The things he wanted me to change were the same things I wanted to change about myself.  And I did put in the effort, but it wasn't enough and it wasn't instantaneous AND I wasn't consistent (go figure).  So, at the beginning of our year+ long  separation, I'm doing the "single parent" thing (WITH AD/HD ADOLESCENTS), my brother tried to commit suicide (way too complicated to get into) and I'm the ONLY person nearby to be there for him, and my mother gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (she is a 2 time breast cancer survivor).  She lives 2 hours away, and I had to take her to doctors appointments quite often and get back home in time to pick the kids up from school.  Did I mention what my work hours on the weekends are?  No?  Oh, well, I work EVERY SINGLE SATURDAY AND SUNDAY 12 HOUR SHIFTS (7AM-7PM) AND EVERY SINGLE MONDAY NIGHT SHIFT (11PM-7AM).  I'm thinking to myself I doing an amazing job considering my brain DISABILITY.  (Let's call a spade a spade, People.)  But, H's resentment had been building and building.  Yes, I did spend way too much money.  According H, I nearly put him out of business and in jail (he wasn't able to pay employee taxes).  I do not mean to justify that in any way, I take 100% responsibility for my poop, BUT the things I bought were for the kids and a lot was from groceries and eating out.  I have expressed how truly sorry I am.  No, I didn't listen to H telling me to "Stop spending money", "you have to stay in the budget"...."blah, blah, blah".  We learned within the first year of our marriage (before my ADD diagnosis) that "balancing the budget" was not a skill I possessed.  H is very skilled at it, but he is also very anxious about spending money.  He is very much a saver.  (My 1+ carot diamond engagement ring was paid for with PENNIES he had saved.)  This is NOT an excuse, but I know even people without this brain disability can relate to how exhausted and stressed out I was.  I hate making dinner as it is, the hardest part is just figuring out what to make, right?  I'm schlepin here and there, and buying food on the run adds up.   Are you still with me?  Sorry this is so long.  Please bear with me a little more, thank you so much.  The other thing that drove H crazy was me being on the computer.  ALL THE TIME.   It's true.  I retreated into the portal of infinite information.  (BTW: my Meyers Briggs is INTJ, I love learning and thinking.)   I stayed up way too late, sometimes all night, 'Googling' stuff about "How to Budget" or "AD/HD in parents who have kids with AD/HD" or "Why does my husband hate me?"  Ok, so, I "get it".        H wants a partner.   I hadn't made our relationship a priority.  He was convinced I wasn't capable of changing and I just wanted him to accept me for who I was.  Counseling, you ask?  OMG, YES!  AS a matter of fact, H would say, "we've been to counselor after counselor, and I see some changes, but it always goes back."  I'm like F-U, Jerk.  (No, I didn't say that for real.)  So, I'm all for ending our marriage and thankfully, he agreed to do it collaboratively (google-collaborative divorce).  After our first meeting with our collaborative lawyers, I had this HUGE paradigm shift in my perspective.  I did not want to divorce.  I totally do not think it is necessary.  I was soaking up audio books left and right.  I listened to Steven Covey's "7 Habits...,"  Ned Hallowell anything, Dr. Ari Tuckman's podcasts, on and on.  I was finally understanding my brain disability like I never had before.  I REALLY GOT IT!!!  So, I informed H and our lawyers and the whole collaborative team that I didn't want to divorce.  H had started to see an "old friend" (we'll call her S) already.  I was devastated.     But, he said he still loved me.  I've come to understand he is terrified that I'm not going to be there for him.  And he doesn't want to keep "going through cycles" of me make good changes and then "slacking" off.   I get that.   He wants to continue with our divorce.  I want to shake him and tell him how stupid he's being.  I don't want to lose him.  We both know each other better than ourselves.   And we both love each other.  But he's not convinced I've changed.  Isn't it only fair that he give me a chance to show him?  He was willing to before he started seeing S.  Mind you, S divorced the year before and she's a fresh empty nester, so I'm sure she is more than willing to lick his wounds.  (In case you're wondering, I'm 40 and H and S are the same age, 51.  So, no she is not younger.)  I don't know if I can let this go.  I believe in commitment, our commitment.  Divorce is not acceptable to me.  I feel like I'm trying to prevent a tragedy from happening.  Thank you for reading.   <3

  • Low T (testasterone).... I've seen it mentioned on the forum... what is it and how does it affect/coincide with ADD/ADHD? by: Ethinie 12 years 10 months ago

    I'am a non-ADD/ADHD spouse of an ADD-I(inattentive)...  I feel it's more ADHD though...but that's not what I'm asking about. 

     

    My question, another post mentioned having a "low T" test and taking testasterone shots.   I was interested in learning more about this as I heard that a man with low testasterone can be misdiagnosed or treated for his ADHD/ADD as the main problem or contributing problem his low testasterone levels....which have a similar affect as ADD.

    Can anyone else tell me more about this Low Testasterone levels and the "low T test"?

  • The end of me by: bamiana 12 years 10 months ago

    After 30+ years of marriage, raising a family essentially as a single parent, while completing college & working up to 3 part time jobs, I can no longer find the strength to continue. My spouse was diagnoised with ADD/Impulsivity/Inattentiveness. His behavior also changes, and he becomes very mean verbally when he drinks any alcohol at all. For most of the past 30 years I took total care of the house etc, as he was "too busy, too stressed at work " to come home for more than  to sleep eat & go back to work. His memories of our life are very different of course, because I am "such a negative person, never happy with anything, just want to rehash the past all the time"

    Over the years he has started, and discontinued, individual and joint counseling about 6 times. I have  had long term counseling myself several times over the years, to address my own issues and seeking coping tools to deal how his  issues affect me. I left him after he was fired from his job and became increasingly verbally, financially, and emotionally abusive. after several months' separation, and a very large attorney's bill, he agreed to joint counseling because "he loved me and wanted to save our marriage". After going to joint counseling for about 4 months I agreed to move back into our home. Almost as soon as I did that, he lost interest in doing any real work in our counseling sessions. Our initial goal was to improve our communication skills. He gave every appearance of working on this while in counseling but refused to practice any of the skills/exercises that the counselor suggested we try between sessions. The counselor was certified in ADD/ADHD, marriage counseling, and addictive behaviors such as sexual addiction and alcoholism.

    We have been living together, in the house we purchased together, over 30 years ago, for 18 months since the separation. During that time he has violated my personal space on a daily basis, I am not allowed to have any input into how the house is set up, he freely goes through my personal possessions & clothing, throwing away & giving away things. I was not allowed to have any of my own clothes or books, etc in "our" bedroom because it was "a special place for us"; translate to for sex only. The closet was reserved for clothing that he found sexually stimulating & dresser drawers reserved for his sex toys. He has become increasingly abusive, escalating to the point of shoving me from one end of the house to the other because I picked up a notebook he left on the floor.  After that incident, which left me extremely sore & bruised in numerous places he left. I changed the locks because I really feared what he would do if he came back, to the point that I was unable to sleep. This occurred 2 days before I was starting a new job. While I was at work, he broke into the house and then left an outside entryway to the basement open in such a way that I did not realize it was not locked, so was sleeping in an unsecured house for 2 nights before realizing it.

    As I re read what I have written here, I really just want to curl up & die.  I thought I was strong enough to get through this but today I don't think I can.

    He stopped attending counseling with me almost 4 months ago, in all fairness, he DID give me permission to continue myself to get over my hang ups about the past, and sex. There must be something wrong with me because I don't choose to engage in sexual activity at least 3 times a day. He chooses not to engage in any activities with me, not even meals, on a regular basis.

    I was very hopeful when I found this site, I thought that just knowing others were struggling with the same issues and finding ways to improve their relationships would be a great help to us. As he refuses to even read anything,, never mind discuss anything, my hopes were once again thrown to the ground and stomped on.

     

  • Doctor suggested "as needed" use of meds--don't think is working by: Aspen 12 years 10 months ago

    For those who want to skip the novel below which is specific to our case, what are your feelings about medication holidays or taking meds on an 'as needed' basis.  Please give me the reason behind your answer because we need to come joint accord with this issue between ADD hubby, I, and his psychiatrist & psychologist.

    We are limited in doctor choices in our area by insurance, so that is a factor.  I met the original doctor who diagnosed my husband....we actually had a long appt where both of us were asked to participate freely.  Quite frankly I liked his original doctor, he seemed to come to the ADD conclusion fairly easily (we'd already done a ton of research too, and he prescribed Ritalin which was changed later to Adderall because of side effects--jaw clenching bad enough that he gave himself headaches, mid afternoon crash, and general jitteryness.  None of the side effects were such that Eric ever discussed discontinuing meds because of them.  The coach (psychologist) we were provided there was more ADD than my husband and abysmal for actually helping with anything--Eric liked him cause he sympathized with everything and had no expectations of him.....ie "You didn't keep a list of x y or z like I asked you to so that we could decide where you need help first? ha ha I didn't think you'd do it!  You do have ADD after all..."

    I posted about him at the time before.....just dreadful.   Anyway my husband was transferred to a closer clinic about 2 years ago just after the switch to Adderall, and I have never met this psychiatrist, but his coach (the psychologist) called me in to join a session about a year ago and now involves me in his homework though I have not been asked to sit in on other sessions. 

    About 3 months ago back before our anniversary trip at the end of October, my husband came home from his appt with his psychiatrist (once every 6 months) and asked what I would think of him taking meds only on an 'as needed' basis.  Quite frankly I am not a fan.  I am also not a fan of weekends off of ADD meds.......if your brain needs an extra chemical, why would you deny it sometimes?  My husband heard me out, said he wasn't really tied to the idea either way, but that his doctor seemed to think that since he is mild and functions so well that perhaps he could start thinking of getting off meds. 

    I tried to be calm but was a bit spooked......why mess with something working so well.  I'd assumed his doctor was an ADHD specialist but then Eric said he doesn't think so and that the DR said that it wouldn't hurt anything to get off the meds as most of their effect was PLACEBO!??!  I mean what the heck???   His current psychologist, who functions as a coach, is not listed as an ADD specialist, but she has an ADD son and really seems to know her stuff.  She assigns great homework for my husband to do between visits and doesn't let him off the hook if he has some lame excuse why he didn't do much with it.

    I was completely thrown for a loop and all my research has basically said 'give your brain what it needs and don't mess with holidays etc' so I said it is obviously his decision and I would support what he chose, but x, y, and z are reasons why my understanding is that you stay on meds.

    We talked about the options pretty intensely and while Eric didn't seem to feel very emotional about being on meds vs not being on meds, he seemed a little hurt at how anti off meds I was.....as if I was implying by my attitude that he couldn't handle it.  Which is ridiculous as he was 35 before he started taking meds and he managed a degree without, BUT things were going so well and smoothly and the balls were mostly being neatly juggled and I am not one to mess with a good thing.

    It wasn't until these conversations that I found out the doctor felt that this was the direction we should be moving in ....to meds 'as needed' and then possibly to no meds at all.  After this came up Eric said he's always gotten a vibe from this doctor that his ultimate goal would be to take Eric off meds!??!!?  He never told me this.   From Eric's description, the doctor seems to think the meds are for keeping you on track while you develop tools and tricks to get everything done.  Then you get rid of the medicine......like you are cured??  like now you can cope w/o?? I don't know....I don't really understand.  I mean we all know ADD is incurable so why doesn't he seem to realize this?  This seems very much to me like taking a diabetic off insulin because their blood sugar has been steady...just no sense at all.

    Eric saw his coach just after our convos about going 'as needed' or possibly trying no meds at all during 1 week of our 2 week vacation...I was willing but reluctant.  The decision they came to was not to risk messing up any part of our anniversary trip (RELIEF) and that sometime in the future if he wanted to experiment with 'as needed' meds he should do so.   I don't think she meant on his own when the fancy struck him, but that is how he took it and without informing me or her, he started taking them whenever he felt like it around mid to late November.

    I didn't clue in until we'd been having a rough time...Eric was spacey and not like himself.  I thought it was delayed reintegration from vacation reaction at first...and Eric didn't seem to have any answers for why he wasn't functioning as well.  FINALLY something clicked and I asked about his meds and he told me that he was only taking them when he felt he might need them--amounted to about 2x per week.  I was really angry he did something like this with no one monitoring & I was especially angry that the response to "What is going on, babe? Why are you struggling so much? What can I do to help?"  Were all met with "I don't know".   He claims it never occurred to him that it could be med related because he never feels any different on or off them.  He thinks he is accomplishing just as much too regardless of how little he is getting done...maybe because it is the same amount of effort without meds to just think of doing it??  I have no idea.

    So shortly after our argument about this, he saw his coach who told him he went about it all the entire wrong way.  That he needed to let me in on the schedule so that I would be aware of tracking how he was doing day to day on a meds/no meds basis.  She had told him she thought he could try 'as needed' but that he went about it entirely wrongly. Now when she tries to find out how it is working, there is no info at all except a very non self aware ADD person sitting there saying that he thought he was doing well but his wife seemed to think he was dropping the ball.

    I have been wondering all along if it was really the doctors pushing this or if it has been Eric, but no matter how subtly I question him, he does not seem to be emotionally tied to taking meds or to being free of them.   He was up for seeing how he would do without meds, but now the concern seems to be that he really can't tell a difference on or off.  I don't want him to take them just for me, but he is SOOOO much better on that & it isn't that he doesn't believe me when I tell him so, it is just that he has no frame of reference to say "You are right x y and z are much better on meds".

    I think this lack of self awareness is part of the reason his doctors don't think the meds matter.  Eric had been taking 20mg in the morn for a while, but he was feeling overwhelmed sometimes. So the doctor added an extra 10mg in the afternoon, and when I asked if it helped he said "I don't feel overwhelmed anymore but I don't notice anything different"  Like WHAT else are you expecting to notice if it solved your problem??   But the last time he started acting all spacey was because he was adjusting to the doctor taking him off that extra 10mg.  I asked why and he said it didn't do anything for him.  Umm ok. My husband claims there was very little difference when he stopped taking the extra dose, but I assure you everyone else in his life noticed that he all of a sudden had something diff going on. EVERYONE was asking me what was wrong with him.

    So anyway, after reiterating to Eric every point I made about why it was a bad idea to change the med schedule with no one knowing about it, she assigned homework for us both.  Eric has a goal of trying to step up and taking control of situations since his natural default is to be passive.  Both of us were to keep lists of what he did well at this and what he did badly at this for the month, and both of our report cards were to be given to her at the next appt.  The problem I see with this in hindsight is that he's been hit or miss with the med schedule (just found that out he's struggling with not having it as any sort of routine--should have seen that coming) so we couldn't/didn't know to track his accomplishments along side whether he'd taken meds or not.

    Interestingly almost all the stuff on Eric's GOOD list, I also had on mine (and I didn't write mine up the night before like he did :BIG EYE ROLL:) though I had many more things than he did.  I had about 10 EXCELLENT items.  I also had a list of 4 items that I listed as GOOD because he didn't really step up, but when he was asked he jumped on them pretty quickly.  But our BAD lists weren't very similar at all.  I had another 10 items including the one big argument we had during the month--he hadn't even listed that item.  One fight all month because of something he didn't step up on, and he didn't list it on his BAD list??

    Anyway the coach when she read through the lists and talked them out things there is a strong correlation between the items on his BAD lists and not having medication steadily in his system.  She asked what he thought, and he told her that he honestly can't tell anything but that I certainly can so he doesn't know what to say.  She set up an immediate appt with his psychiatrist to evaluate the meds, which was supposed to be today but he forgot and double booked the day, so it is now rescheduled for next Thursday.  We have the same assignment for the psychologist for the coming month with the added item that I am putting in whether he took or did not take his pill, BUT the problem is that the meds appt will be before much data is in on this. 

    What do we do?  Do I trust him to handle it even though he seems completely unaware of how much less he accomplishes without meds?  Do I ask to meet with the doctor also, or does that look like a controlling mate?

    THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR ANY SUGGESTIONS.......actually just for reading the whole thing to anyone who did :)

  • Trying to make a meaningful change by: BrianInCA 12 years 10 months ago

    So I am the ADHD spouse. I'm trying so hard to make a lasting change in this relationship. My wife has mentioned about 14 different categories where change needs to happen. I am trying to focus my efforts in as many different areas I can. However, I have realized I can't change 14 things at once. I am trying to change one or maybe two things at a time. Mainly my impulse control, emotional volatility. My spouse does not see a change. I've asked her if she notices a change, most of the time its "I don't know". This makes it very difficult to measure how things are. This has me lost. I feel I am working on the relationship. I am trying, but she views it as I am not trying hard enough. I feel inadequate in my efforts and it makes me lose sight of the bigger picture. I get emails from her telling me what I am not doing in the relationship. It feels the work I am doing on myself and our relationship is going un-noticed. I am on medications, however the Adderal the PsyD has me on really messes up my ability to sleep and feel rested. This makes me extremely moody, cranky, and overall hard to be around. She looks at the situation like I am not doing enough to get ALL of my ADHD symptoms under control. I have most of them under control and I am really working hard. Its so hard to put so much effort in to trying to make a meaningful change to only have my partner tell me, either, I am not doing enough, or she feels I am not trying. She tells me how hurt and upset she is that the person she loves is not taking care of himself, and not trying to get the symptoms under control. The self destructive behavior that is being shown is not being corrected.

     

    I go to therapy once a week.

    I am on medication to control the ADHD (however she still says not all the symptoms are addressed) - I am having a difficult time getting the MD to hear my concerns with the meds, I go to the appointments and I sit down for what's supposed to be a 45min appointment, and it turns out I'm there for 15 mins, a brief check-in and then write the scripts and shoots me out. Today I have reached out to my primary doctor with the concerns and I hope to get another referral to go see someone different.

    I have systems in place to help me remember to do chores - alarms on my phone, and things laid out in my calendar.

    I try so hard not to let my frustration take hold of our interactions, but it seems to anyway. I could be in a great mood and she's probably upset about something, it seems to tarnish whatever time we try to spend with each other. Or she is in a great mood and I am not. Its very hard to get both of us in a neutral point where we both can listen without being offensive or defensive.

     

    I really do not know what else I can do, we are in the phone seminar, I feel we are going down every possible avenue to invoke some sort of lasting change. Its so hard to try to be positive about whats going on when it looks so bleak.

  • Klonopin for anxiety and insomnia? by: ashley.l10310 12 years 10 months ago

    Any one tried Klonopin?  My aunt takes it for insomnia and I read that it also helps with anxiety.  I have both and I am going to begin ADHD meds on Jan 31st.  I already have severe insomnia and I'm scared it'll get worse with medication.  Has anyone used this/had any luck with it along with ADHD meds?  Should I ask my doc to prescribe it when I go in to get my ADHD medicine?

  • Need help for finding an ADD therapist... by: ashley.l10310 12 years 10 months ago

    Hey everyone!!  I was just wondering if anyone had heard of online Skype therapy sessions and if they could give me some info about them.  I have been diagnosed by an MD and he recommends therapy but I have a 1 year old and weekly, time out, 1 hr therapy sessions will not come easy.  If anyone has any advice please share... Thanks!!!

  • lost by: messedup 12 years 10 months ago

    I am lost and out of ideas.  I am a non-ADHD person married to a ADHD person.  We have been married for sixteen years.  I know he has not been faithful and went to file for divorce two years ago because of the children decided to go back with his promise of working on the marriage.  In front of the judge he called me dumb.  The working on the marriage has not happened.  So i am right back where i was before i left the house.  I have suffered from depression, low self-esteem, and believe on his part i am in the house to take care of the house and the children.  I purchased the book "The effects of ADHD on Marriage" and have started reading it.  We prefer not to talk and if we do he gets defensive and i shut down.  I have been asked by the children why he is so mean to me.  We have tried counseling and her advice was "he was not going to change and to get a divorce".  He has stated over the years the world should adapt to him, he would not adapt to the world.  We have a daughter who has ADHD and another daughter which is his step child.  He has a another daughter who is bipolar from another marriage.  He has been on depression medication.  I would like to be treated like a human being and have someone to love and be loved.  Any suggestions?

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