Recent Comments
- by: J - that I'm very familiar with. I'll come back to this but I'm at work now. I think I can shed some light on this when I get the chance.>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
- by: J - Love Shouldn't Hurt. Something to think about in trying to determine when he says he loves you, if that's true or not. J>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
- by: Swedish coast - Dear Dagmar, this sounds like he's slowly invaded your life after separation and now makes your entire world slip and tilt until it's hard to even stand up. I get nauseous just by your description of it. So sorry this is happening. Do you think you can get that other house and move there as soon as possible? And maybe make some firm boundaries and written agreements? I haven't let my ex into my house, socialized with him or his family or adjusted to his whims once separated. Children change houses weekly...>>> on Forum topic - I think I'm losing my mind
- by: Swedish coast - I think almost everyone tries to be a good person. For an ADHD mind that will go into uncontrollable RSD mode repeatedly and harm their loved ones, this means reality has to be twisted into knots to still make the ADHD person look good. I believe there is no end to the knots on reality a mind will allow to preserve its self-image. The RSD complete lack of logic, the dishonesty, the hurtful and downright stupid comments Ive seen countless times too. But your partner is way more aggressive and threatening...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
- by: Haveaniceday - You sound like a very level-headed, kind and tolerant person. Emotional dysregulation is a big part of ADHD, but this sounds extreme to me. Living with a partner with ADHD is going to be hard enough, it is no walk in the park (and mine has never once been verbally abusive!), if I were you I would get out now, run as far and fast from this situation as you can. ADHD plus verbal abuse will make your life a nightmare and you sound like someone who could have the opposite experience in a relationship! Even...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
- by: 1Melody1 - I stayed until my daughter was around 13 and like you, I strived to shield her from the negative aspects of my husband's ADHD every minute of every day. I was fairly successful a lot of the time, but of course it wore me out just as you've described. The constant hypervigilance and effort to be both parents in one was exhausting. And STILL I can see that I couldn't protect her from everything. Still my daughter endured his apathy and inattention. Still she witnessed me doing it all while he sat in a chair...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: Swedish coast - I'm sorry, Honestly, that you hurt for your son. I feel it would be an impossible task for anybody to completely shield a child from his father's personality. You have given the necessary things. You have listened. I believe your son will thrive on what you've given, and be able to shake off the uncertainty that he's now found the reason for. I can relate to wanting to compensate for dysfunction in the other parent. It's a huge task, crushing. Please remember however we would like to, we simply cannot...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: J - "Practice empathy: Recognize that both people are going through a difficult time. Allow grace for mistakes: Forgive easily, and remember that both people are trying to uphold high standards. Recognize differences: Accept and respect your spouse's uniqueness. Set clear boundaries: Don't hold your spouse accountable for things they don't know. Serve without expecting anything in return: Do things for each other for no other reason than to grace one another. Extend trust: Trust is essential for a...>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: scoullard@outlo... - I know how you feel. My husband does not admit to even having ADHD and my stress levels are through the roof. I empathize with you! As for meds for myself, I have been on Prozac twice in the 20 years we have been married. I went to therapy & got a script for what I thought was work related depression. At the time, I didn't realize how much the stress I experienced in my marriage contributed to my depression. Prozac did help my mood and I changed jobs to alleviate the work stress. I am considering meds...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Off the roller ... - Your story resonated SO MUCH with me. I have so much more to type but I wanted to let you know that this has happened to me. It wasn't Europe (because we already live there) but I have had to come to terms with taking a hard, hard look at myself and my communication and be honest with what I have expressed to him - even if after the fact! So he's booked the trip. Ok, so now what? Have a think about what YOU want but keep in mind you can't MAKE him feel or behave or do anything differently than what he has...>>> on Forum topic - Hurt, Angry, and knowing it's the ADHD
- by: honestly - That's so helpful, thank you. Thank you for the kind and supportive words. It helps. I had a very difficult childhood with a parent's narcissism affecting me profoundly, something with which I am only now coming to terms. Perhaps I am more horrified by this as a result - to hear my son had been through something similar, that had undermined his sense of self, and that it happened on my watch. He, though, has it figured out at 21, whereas I was in my 40s before I began to gain insight into my own...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: honestly - but the patterns are the same. You said that your marriage was 'an ongoing series of him doing whatever he likes and me picking up the slack' and that could describe mine too. With me occasionally digging my heels in and refusing to let what he wanted happen - eg a move to one of the most expensive cities in the world when I was the sole breadwinner and on the national average wage - where it clearly would have destroyed us. He says, quite literally, 'I am not selfish' but I have so much experience of...>>> on Forum topic - Hurt, Angry, and knowing it's the ADHD
- by: Swedish coast - ADHD symptoms can explain a lot, but they don't excuse inflicting pain on you. Your emotions are true. They are for navigation of life. His actions are hurtful to you and I believe in a way it doesn't matter what his diagnosis is. He needs to meet your needs, or your marriage will be misery. I would insist he change his plans and go travel with you.>>> on Forum topic - Hurt, Angry, and knowing it's the ADHD
- by: Catterfly - Hi PeaceFilledMama, I think you have to consider the fact that actions like this will continue to happen. What matters is whether you can come to terms with that, or if you'll always have hurt and building resentment. I left my Dx husband (married 17 years) two days ago, after a year or so of contemplating the information on this site, Melissa's book, and finally having a strong catalyst to make a decision: it was impacting my kids. I wish I'd been able to make the decision back when it was impacting...>>> on Forum topic - Hurt, Angry, and knowing it's the ADHD
- by: Catterfly - Hi Honestly, I think you did protect your son, just in a different sense. You clearly gave him a safe place to come with his emotions and reflections now, and you must have given him enough resilience then for him to come through such a difficult time when he was 16. You didn't check out on him, or run and hide. You did the best you knew how. And you're right, you couldn't have known about the small but chronic things that occurred and how they would impact him, but don't all parents have those to come...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: honestly - For years before I knew he had ADHD, I had this feeling like I was married to someone with a disability. There was so much that we couldn't do, so much that I couldn't expect from him, so many limits on my life, so much that I had to carry because he did not. I gave up on a lot because I was, I realise, utterly drained by him. Reflecting on this now I feel quite angry at my former self for thinking this way, because this is not what my experiences of disability has really shown me. I know that for people...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Incompatibility it is. Responsibility has taken over life entirely. Tending to the family's basic needs has become my entire existence, while he has to a large part just been a void. Imagine I wanted a life of adventure. I wanted to live abroad periodically, meet people, learn new things, do art, hike, sail. I took risks, confident that I'd manage. I could get basics done easily and have energy left for the amazing things in life. And then this closed down life with him, of zero resources and zero...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: J - Thank you so much for your kind words. That really means alot.>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: J - "Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their...>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: J - "Business. Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!" This is where my revelation came from. In the script that's my life, my father plays the part of Jacob Marley. This year marks the 40th anniversary of his death when I was 26 years old. After he died, my mother confided in me that he told her not more than two weeks before he...>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge