Recent Comments
- by: honestly - that you have so much to contend with. That's a lot. I admire your integrity and tenacity. I have tried to leave three times now. First time he threatened suicide. I soon learned from a doctor's letter about treatment for anxiety and depression that he showed me (he considered it an official document proving he was in a bad way- he wanted to make me feel guilty) that they didn't think he was at any risk whatsoever. It had a code on it that I looked up - he hadn't- that they use to classify the severity...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - I think this dynamic also covers not just what people do, but how the individuals come to feel about what they do. And I don't think this maps onto me and him in that respect. I do the vast majority of household tasks and all the mental load. He skims along, comes and goes, does his own thing. But I think we both established that dynamic because we both thought he was more important than me. It's like he's the guru and I'm the acolyte, and things only 'go wrong' when I kick against that.>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - I did use the word 'gaslighting' in a discussion with him the other day. I said 'It's like gaslighting' but couldn't go fully there. I have had historically a natural tendency to automatically believe I am in the wrong, which I am only now shaking off. It has made this all the more difficult. I already didn't trust myself before any of this started. which makes me think again about the narcissist choosing a subservient partner. Did he choose me because it was clear I would accept this nonsense when other...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - Or it was - so subservient. I think one of the problems we've been having is that I have changed- I've been doing some work on myself, coming to an understanding of my upbringing and my early experiences. I've been uncovering a more integrated sense of self. I know myself a little better now and have some compassion there, for what I've been through and the survival strategies I employed. And I feel I can see him more clearly now, now I give myself the credit of being an adequate human being whose feelings...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: Swedish coast - There's really nothing I can say. This sounds so hard. Just want to send some acknowledgment for all the hard work you've done.>>> on Forum topic - Apparently Me Crying Was Done To Keep Everyone Up!? .. Beyond Frustrated
- by: HelpatADHDmarriage - Hi Catisamom. One of the guidelines of the forum is to not have links. Article names are allowed, so the article can be found that way!>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: BeyondConfused - I am and have been. I hit a breaking point when I posted this. I am sick of working on myself and implementing tools, only for my partner to not do anything and withdraw. Or to view me hitting a breaking point as some sort of manipulation tactic or.. something. He was working on himself, but then just stopped taking his medication, but tells me he has been taking it. Despite me seeing the bottles daily when I grab my vitamins. Despite me noticing the very noticeable shift in his mood and attitude. It...>>> on Forum topic - Apparently Me Crying Was Done To Keep Everyone Up!? .. Beyond Frustrated
- by: Swedish coast - Im sorry to hear you suffer this too. It does help when you describe it as being still depleted. It resounds. The meter is still so low. You and I parent for all we're worth, and work. I don't have time for my weekly class either, most of the time. Maybe it explains it all? The social fatigue is a bit like the complete disinterest in having another romantic relationship. I feel no fish could need a bicycle less than I do. You maybe have the key right there, in what you wrote about the weekly class? Maybe...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: 1Melody1 - I don't know if it helps, but I find I'm struggling socially now as well. I've maintained some of our "couple" friends, but those visits are rare. Like you, I'm not up to hosting events either... in fact I'm the black sheep of the family for refusing to host the annual holiday bash of 20 people despite it being my "turn." I think I am just still thoroughly depleted. No one understands since I'm years out of the relationship that I am STILL trying to slowly refill my own tank from years of running on empty...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: Catisamom - Is there a reason why the link was removed? I'd really like to read this article if I could find it. Thanks.>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Swedish coast - It's good advice. It's perhaps not depression, I do enjoy things profoundly in between bouts of pain and do a lot of mindfulness exercises. At work I like to joke and connect with dozens of co-workers and new clients every day. It's just this private sense of not belonging. It's been like this for more than a decade, thinning out. I put everything I had into the family. Now the family is broken. Maybe it's like many of our forum friends have said wisely: it will take more time to restore life after...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: J - you're depressed. I know that's stating the obvious but for me, there's one sure fire way to lift myself out of depression and that's through and daily excersise routine. It's far more effective than antidepressants or any other form of medication. In fact, since I started back on Adderall/Wellbutrin...I've lost 10lbs. Ten more pounds and I'll be back to my ideal body weight and I already feel better. Just today, I started my exercise routine using a rowing machine. I just got up and did it, I made the...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: J - .>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: c ur self - You're description is one of a narcissist...(controlling, self centered, and demands they are right, when they are dead wrong!) Many people who have adhd will also have other traits when diagnosed...Narcissist's will look for partners (whether consciously or not) who are weak in standing up for themselves (people pleasing types) and their opinion's...There is not enough room on that throne for two...They have to have a subservient spouse/life partner....My Dad was one (passed away now)...I don't have to...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: Catterfly - That's called gaslighting, honestly! So many of us have been there, and it's so so detrimental to mental health - and physical health as well! Whether it's done deliberately or not is irrelevant to the impact to you. I finally recognized that my husband wasn't willing to look at his own behaviour or his impact on the rest of the family. I left a month ago. I now have to sell our house, move to a new town and potentially away from our support systems, and almost start over financially. But my health...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - for clarifying the parent child dynamic and what it's referring to. That was my understanding as well. I've felt like I've been doing a very good job of holding up my end of the household chores and there really has been no conflict in that area. When I tried to approach that topic with my SO, she pretty much shut down any continued conversation in that area but not before I had a chance to make an appeal to her that if there was anything else I could do, I'd be more than willing to make sure she wasn't...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - very interesting- thanks!>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - That sounds right- mythology- and it messes with my head! I feel like I'm on such unstable ground all the time. It's like a worse, more intense version of not being heard. I feel like my understanding of reality is invalidated. I feel like I almost don't exist anymore.>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - Mike doesn't know what his feelings are Swedish? That then, becomes the real problem doesn't it? As I was telling him, you've got to know what your feelings are first. If that's the case, then therapy is in order I'd say. I suppose, if you really do know what you're feeling and you don't say so...that again, is a different issue.>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: Catterfly - Hi honestly, Parent/child to me is about who does the chores without having to be asked or reminded, and who has the big picture of the house management? My husband's behaviour is the same as what you describe. There's a lot of built up mythology in our relationship that I was the needy one, or the one who was wrong, when in reality I was seeking his emotional support (and would get nastily thwarted), or was seeking to resolve a conflict which would result in RSD. What you describe sounds like ADHD...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?