Recent Comments
- by: Off the roller ... - That's the official title>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Off the roller ... - It's there under blogs > psychology today > and titled: before yiu leave your marriage check these things... something like like. You can't miss it>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Sugarlumps83 - I know the feeling. My husband is due to get a diagnosis soon and hopefully medication. We've been together for twenty years, have two kids but I'm exhausted. We've moved country twice, it was fine when we were younger, but now he's looking at houses in another country, and I really don't want to move again. Every time I mentioned it, he would loose it because he hates where we live, and makes me feel bad. He keeps threatening out marriage because I won't just sell the house and move. That he would just...>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry that your friend blamed you when you made yourself vulnerable by telling about your strained marriage. I think it was unnecessary. She could have kept that observation to herself at least. The situation with your turned away spouse, lost on his devices, is very relatable to me. I also couldn't make the marriage function when it'd gone that far. As for your last question, isn't it natural to be upset about dysfunctional behavior even when you know it's cause? ADHD is an explanation, but no...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: Davy - Thank you for your kind words. hopefully when she has her therapy, she can deal with it better, for herself. Because she deserves to be happy and knowing how to handle the difficulties she has. I'm going to give her the space and time that she needs. Meanwhile I'm going to focus on myself. And who knows, maybe in the future we can talk about it face to face and maybe it results in something good and better. But that's a maybe and if so, for later.>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
- by: Swedish coast - So sorry your love is affected by overwhelm. It can be very hard to live with. I used to dismiss my ADD ex-husband's worries that he wouldn't manage things. I trusted in his talents and intelligence and couldn't imagine how dysfunctional he was, and how those traits would become more and more accentuated with time. His diagnosis would take many years to be known to us. Meanwhile, we both had a hard time coping with the symptoms, and in hindsight I would have done better if I'd believed him at the start....>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
- by: J - I'm just now discovering what these lyrics are saying. I've heard them many times before, but I'm just now understanding what they really mean. "If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung Would you hear my voice come through the music? Would you hold it near as it were your own? It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung I don't know, don't really care Let there be songs to fill the air Ripple in still water When...>>> on Forum topic - Coming Full Circle, Paradym Shift, Acceptance is Key
- by: Davy - Thank you for your words! I'm taking my distance now, sometimes she reaches out to me and most of the time it's a nice conversation. She's going into therapy soon because she wants to work on it. She also says that she doesn't forget about me and has still hope (but doesn't want to give me false hope) that maybe if she's stable enough or the therapy has ended successfully that maybe we can work it out. So for me it's difficult to let it go, I also hope that we can work it out. But not at any cost...>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
- by: adhd32 - Move on to better things. What you are seeing is the way she really is day to day. ADDers typically lose interest in new things after a while hence all the unfinished projects and plans that never materialize. Two years have past for your relationship and the shine has worn off for her. This is typical for ADDers. You were the new shiny object that has now lost it's charm. If she isn't working on herself, things will not change. Read posts on this forum to get an idea of what 5 or 10 years together...>>> on Forum topic - I don’t know how to deal with this.
- by: Swedish coast - Yes, I understand it may feel like moving a mountain. I don't pretend to know how one's supposed to disconnect emotionally. I had a very hard time letting go, since I'd worked many years to save the marriage and had invested innumerable sacrifices in it. There is ultimately the fear of having made all those efforts for nothing. I did one thing years ago though, I moved us to my home region and settled the family close to relatives. I also improved my work situation by continued education. The divorce...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
- by: BeyondConfused - Seconding this I am pretty sure my relationship is done due to my partner repeatedly making decisions with no consideration towards me and showing almost no remorse when I bring it up. It has led me to mentally check out and I have a harder time considering how MY actions impact my partner, since he doesn't seem to do that for me. I still do my best,? But its a struggle. I am also strongly considering leaving him, so that makes it harder to remind myself to try be mindful until we either split or...>>> on Forum topic - Husband Has Stopped Taking Meds
- by: BeyondConfused - That is so tough and I am sorry you are going through this. I am in the middle of something similar. Except my partner stopped taking his medication completely and lied about it. When I asked him why, he just shrugged and said he didn't know. He did not believe me or seem to "get it" when I pointed out that I was able to pinpoint exactly when he stopped taking his meds because his mood changed and communication broke down. He says there were other factors that contributed to that. I do not doubt it, but...>>> on Forum topic - Husband Has Stopped Taking Meds
- by: y0gi - Thank you. Yes, that's how it is. I know from my research--which makes it even more difficult to leave--that the picking fights is merely the brain seeking a dopamine hit. They can't actually help it, they know not what they do. I think that the sinking ship is going to sink no matter how many passengers are on it. Guess it's time to get a life boat. Agh, how did the world get so messy? I'll look up that book. Congratulations on your extraction! It actually is a huge marker of success. And thanks for the...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
- by: y0gi - I've seen your other comments. Congrats on ending the cycle and on your freedom! It's so hard to pull away and make the decision to put yourself first and foremost. How did you do it? I agree... I can't withstand it anymore. My thoughts have always been .... he's good on the inside, it's just his brain health/diet/etc. And he is good on the inside, although like all of us has facets of light and dark. My question and need is HOW? How do I mentally frame this? How do I actually leave? It feels like a black...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
- by: J - When I was last here on the forum, I was recommended a book to read entitled: In Sheep's Clothing. In it, it introduced me to the concept of HCP ( high conflict personality ). Without diagnosing anyone with a disorder, in plain language, it describes the person I was with at the time. I would use the words : "volatile", "erratic" and "combative" to describe her. In fact, the only thing that you could count on with her was being volatile and erratic! You could not have a conversation with her without it...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
- by: Swedish coast - This man whose judgment you don't trust is your romantic partner and also your doctor. I'm concerned you are risking your health here in a double sense. You said it yourself. You want to be safe and honored. Since you care for him, leaving will be painful. Still I can't say I disagree with the thought you shared about being abused. Then it's necessary. I've divorced someone to whom I had a strong bond in the last year. I did it for lack of trust. It's been soul-crushing, but it was much needed. I don't...>>> on Forum topic - A Story, or Seeking Courage to Leave
- by: Swedish coast - He's wrong if he thinks medication or not is his individual decision. Clearly he has no idea of the impact his behavior has on you. Or else he is terribly inconsiderate. This not realizing impact is such a common misconception in ADHD husbands I believe. Catterfly recommended a book called This Is Where Your Marriage Ends. It's about how decisions repeatedly made with no consideration for a partner will slowly kill the marriage. I believe every word of that theory. The dissolution of trust is the...>>> on Forum topic - Husband Has Stopped Taking Meds
- by: Swedish coast - Actually just stepped off the dance floor, soaking. Have been having poetic strange conversations with unknown colleagues all night. All right. So I haven't forgotten how to enjoy myself fully, and be entirely relaxed, and playful with strangers. It's funny how every moment is so true in itself, and seems to point forward to infinity. A week ago I could never have pictured this. I haven't danced for years. But for instance a party can obviously change everything in a few hours. Thank you all for...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: Elliej - Hi Swedish You have shown resilience in the most difficult time of your life. A time that i hope never darkens you again. Thank you for the support you have also given this group. Im not that active anymore, but we are in similar situations so i often check in to see how you are. Each day you grow stronger, though the residual pain and scars linger. Keep going. You deserve peace x>>> on Forum topic - Happy
- by: J - I not only got close to having that conversation...I actually did it and while I was upset. This was not a planned thing mind you....this was me, expressing my anger and concerns without blowing up ( in the moment ). I actually told her what was on my mind and why I was angry instead of reacting. I did react a little by taking my hearing aids out and telling her to not try and talk to me because "I can't hear you". As a critique on myself, that was about the only thing I did wrong. What prompted this...>>> on Forum topic - Non Adhd Spouse Vent