Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - I think the setting makes all the difference...Two adhd minds (especially friends) in a relaxed setting where there is no expectations, and no invasion of each of their protected calm spaces, they will really enjoy the interaction many times...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
- by: c ur self - Like ADHD 32 say's it reminds them of their own behaviors which they love to be in denial of...Plus, it takes the spot light of their self absorbed mind....It's even worse for two narcissist....It's not your job to mange it....Step out of the middle, go enjoy yourself...I promise the more you focus on your own life, the more they will be forced to mange their own....Don't be the ear for negativity!.....Walk away!...If he tries to make you the bad guy for walking away, that's great, that mean's he's growing...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
- by: c ur self - Having to adapt to the separateness that divorce sponsor's with children, brings so much more into play than just the adult pain... (especially where highly distracted minds are concerned) We are forced into very uncomfortable situations...(forced communication or lack of it, trusting of a person we have struggled to trust in the past due to lived out behaviors, etc.)....All things we would probably never choose normally...I'm praying for all of you, I know it can overwhelming at times...Bless you friend...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
- by: sickandtired - I did that twice, and regretted it both times. After each time, he would quickly go back to the moody, paranoid, angry person who constantly complained and put me down. I protected (enabled) my guy just like you have done. I made the mistake of taking on his problems, but no matter what I did to try to make him happy... Concerts, trips, etc would inevitably be full of unnecessary stress and arguing from him, while at the same time he would never make a decision. He would change his mind and blame me if I...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
- by: sickandtired - My ex literally dangled my precious photo albums and irreplaceable keepsakes in my face, like holding them for ransom, saying he thought I might offer him money "to survive on" if he returned them. I have no photos of my grandparents, and the only photos I have from my past are the ones I framed or sent to friends by email. It seems like he has no sense of pride in supporting himself, but instead acts like a helpless child whose life totally depends on my "evil whims" he says. He always played the victim,...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
- by: honestly - I've experienced the lashing out, and then the resistance to understanding that the behaviour was hurtful. Since he is so obsessed with you recalling everything verbatim, maybe sidestep this and make it clear it's about tone. The words themselves are (mostly) neutral, it's the tone that makes them hurtful. He has then to be on the lookout for this tone, not get you to supply a list of words. But basically it seems to me he is doing what my OH has always done when we have a problem of his making - he's...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Spouse, poor verbal impulse control and lashing out
- by: MelissaOrlov - Hi - yes. I took anti-depressants for about 2 years to deal with a very difficult patch in my own relationship. I was depressed and having difficulty moving through my days easily. I found that the anti-depressant provided enough energy and calm so that I could move ahead and make the changes needed in my life, so it was very helpful. My strong recommendation is that if you choose to take meds you do so not to support the status quo, but to give yourself the breathing space to do the work needed to...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry. This sounds like your husband is overwhelmed by the challenges of parenthood. He doesn't cope with it all presumably because of his ADHD. His behavior towards you is probably just a reflection of his inner chaos. He may feel if he can control things through you, he has some control. It isn't a decent way to treat a spouse, though. I suggest he gets some help for himself. Otherwise this environment will be impossible for you and you will suffer. Please take care.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Spouse, poor verbal impulse control and lashing out
- by: Peacefull111 - Thank you so much for your comment it really helped me understand that he may not stop there and may want to continue trying to contact me, definitely something to be aware about. Just tonight he tried again. Yes!! My ex also took my childhood photos without asking. And my favorite clothing.. if he continues I'm just going to have to stick to my guns and ignore ignore ignore and continue my own healing process.>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
- by: N4ally2 - Sorry to heard that you feel like you are alone and so glad you found the site. According to recent studies, nearly 60% of non-ADHD spouses report experiencing elevated stress due to the complexities of their relationship, with 1 in 4 experiencing symptoms of depression. So your questions is should you medicate yourself...Medication helps short term because it gives you some relief, but ultimately, improving your current situation is the long term plan. For me, I contemplated with divorce a few times...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: honestly - Thank you, Melody. That means a lot. And I'm so sorry your partner was so actively nasty to your daughter. Mine at least is more usually inattentive rather than aggressive towards the kids. The worry is always what one is 'modelling' for a child, the assumption being that this is what they then go on to repeat in their own relationships. But maybe it can equally be that they react against it, are alert to the dysfunction, and will go on to refuse to accept it for themselves. I see hints of this in both my...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: honestly - Thank you Swedish. I am watching him and the kids interact at the moment - we also have a daughter- and it's fascinating to see how she differs from her brother in this. He was mystified and quietly eroded by it; she is just laser-like in her understanding of her father and the situation. And far less patient than me. I think she as a daughter is more like how ADHD spouses are often characterised than I am myself. Impatient, explosive, taking tasks off him because she can't bear to watch them done half-...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
- by: saudade - You shouldn`t feel guilty at all, you should be proud, that you managed to come out of the situation. Women like you are my hope. I hope to find that strengh like you did.... With my ex partner I also didn´t have a real breakup, like that "classical" closure ( and I would need that so much!). We went appart after a rage meltdown. I feel like living in a limbo and I hope one day I can speak with him to have an adult, mature conversation, honest and open and go out of this limbo. I´m happy you found...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
- by: saudade - Dear Peacefull111, your words are so conforting to me... Yes, is so difficult, I can hardly put it into words... And in my case: He lives around the corner (fortunatly he has his apt.) and I moved to Amsterdam (Netherlands) at the same time as I met him, that means: all my life here, all my neighbourhood, the city, the cafes, canals, gardens are always connected with him. Everything reminds me of him! There is no "before-him" in my life in this city...... Is pure pain! In the meantime I found a therapy for...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
- by: Peacefull111 - Yes before we stopped talking he said I'm sorry I became emotionally codependent on you. Yes I wanted a normal breakup but this was far from it and he did want to just linger in the background which was not letting me move forward and grieve even. It is hard to no longer be in each others lives but I am starting therapy and a class on codependency soon. I pray and hope I never go backwards again out of pity for him. Thank you for your comment and maturity .. it really helped.>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
- by: Peacefull111 - My heart goes out to you because I know exactly the kind of love you have for him. My ex also got into alcohol issues and issues with the court which made him homeless. You're right seeing his misery only hurts you as well, nobody wants to see someone they care about struggle. But if they don't take responsibility there's nothing more that we can do. I'm so sorry that you were dismissed from work. I do agree it's best to put yourself first now and take care of yourself. If you continue to only care about...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
- by: Swedish coast - Interestingly your advice is where my thoughts have drifted to too these last few days. I'll try to be who I want. And I'll be less discreet. The children requested I don't contact them when they're with him. So I haven't, for seven months or so. I also learned it's wrong to ask children questions about their times at the other place. So I haven't. It's very strange, to only be a parent part time and then have zero information about the rest of the children's life. And when they've not heard from me maybe...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
- by: J - but I really don't have an exact answer. Even as an a teenager or young adult, I use to get the sense that my father didn't like certain aspects of myself that mirrored his own too much. I think that's very much a real thing sometimes. But oddly enough, I seem to be attracted to people with ADHD and like them alot. One friend in particular that I have in mind I really love spending time with, he makes me laugh so hard and it's so infectious I just love his personality. Another childhood friend I had also...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
- by: c ur self - If you look at the "right" when it comes to marriage, procreation, and family existence...You will see all the dysfunction surrounding your situation...So I suggest you stop beating yourself up about him...He will take care of his children...If you punish yourself based on the life he lives, then you will stop existing as your best self...Everyone makes mistakes, hind site is always 20-20....And attempting to defend ourselves, or make judgments on others will never end well, especially when it comes to the...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
- by: Off the roller ... - Omg yes. My husband (dx last year) has adhd and we think his sister has it but he doesn't speak to her. Has so much h rage for her. It's isnaine. They are so alike it's scary but if I pointed it out he'd flip My theory is that adhd-ers in our lives don't want to have a mirror shining on their behaviour that causes pain and when they encounter someone who behaves in a way that has caused THEM pain or trauma or they see it causing distress for others, they just can't handle it. I'm not making an excuse...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister