Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - Catterfly, I would imagine none of us can create that safety. Especially when we don't get honesty from the ADHD partner, so don't know what we need to know. Thank you for telling about the book, I found it excellent. I will give it to my sons eventually!>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: Catterfly - Hi Tat, I went on meds in January and wouldn't have survived without them. They're giving me perspective to make sound decisions (vs fetal position and bed - what I would likely have chosen). There's definitely a place for them. But I also agree with others about taking a hard look at root causes.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Catterfly - Hi J, I've seen a couple of your messages now that are blank. We've seen that happen before; make sure you're writing the body of the text into the commentary area, not the title.>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: 1Melody1 - I took anti-depressants for a short time. I had situational depression. My doctor said the only real way to solve it was to change the situation. She was 100% right. I tried two meds that wreaked havoc on my body and quickly saw how wrong it was for me to medicate MYself to manage HIS condition. I just had to do the hard thing and get out. I also took sleeping pills to get through the final years of the marriage. I was only sleeping an hour a night out of stress. I now have permanent cognitive decline from...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: adhd32 - Why are you looking to medicate yourself? That is like putting a bandaid on skin cancer. Treat the problem instead of tip toeing around it. It sounds as though you are afraid to deal with his issues since the RSD has been more intense over the last 2 years. If you are being abused please leave. He won't change without treatment. Ask yourself why you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for someone you're only married to for 8 years with the last 25% of the marriage in misery. Get into therapy...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Swedish coast - My GP said I didn't need antidepressants, I needed to get out of the marriage. The soundest advice I've ever had. Not knowing your situation in more detail, I still just wanted to pass that advice on. All the best to you.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: honestly - but I completely recognise the choosing things out of fear. I do this too - out of fear and also fatigue. X>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - That is so kind of you. I'm so grateful for your support.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you Catterfly. That's so much appreciated. I realized yesterday that I've spent a decade or more choosing most things out of fear.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: honestly - I just want to let you know that I am standing quietly by you in solidarity. In the weariness and isolation and the blame and the loss of confidence. You may feel alone, but you are not. X>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Catterfly - This is far from victimization or self-pity. This is your closest partner in life, someone who vowed to protect you, invalidating and dehumanizing you in the worst way he possibly can. It's using what you've shared with him against you. It's horrible, horrible abuse. But, I think about how far you've come in life with this horrible emotional handicap, and can only imagine what you'll be able to do as you heal. You are a superhero who is only now getting away from your kryptonite. My heart goes out...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Sometimes I manage to think his behavior during divorce was just RSD on maximum volume which sort of takes away its impact. Not today though. Thank you Off the roller. I'm glad you are helped by your friends. It's vital.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Catterfly - Hi Off the Roller, I would add to the above from my own experience: my husband admitted in couples counselling that he has never really told me his truth about anything. He was a master of figuring out what I wanted to hear and providing that. I think it was a coping mechanism he developed early in life to deal with emotional trauma from his parents. I always had a sense that something wasn't quite right, but when I pressed him he would stick to his story. So I had to believe it and move on with...>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: J - Off The Roller, As I read what you said, my gut reaction immediately went to trust. This is without thinking about it or taking my time to mull over any specifics, without any judgment, just a shooting from the hip gut feeling. This is a big deal for me and I imagine, for other folks who ADHD. The fact that I come to this forum and share what I share is because I've learned to trust the people I've encountered here. Without that trust, I probably wouldn't do it. I'm thinking this is probably the first...>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: Off the roller ... - Ah Swedish, I tear up reading this. I feel for you and I feel deeply for you and your post here because I know it well and you have literally just typed one of my biggest fears of what will happen on the 'other side' and why I can't face the possibility of this pain. I can read and feel and hear your pain and I'm so sorry. I don't want to say anything cliche bc we both know that this is so real and so hard and so harsh. I'm not being funny but do you have friends where you are that you can share this...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Catterfly just mentioned a book called This Is Where Your Marriage Ends. I got it and just finished reading it and recommend it in my turn. It deals with the mistake often husbands in particular make by not taking their partner's viewpoint into account when making decisions, and then invalidating and judging their partner in their resulting pain. The author is a divorced male journalist. The book also tells that not knowing your spouse intimately - preferences, fears, inner landscape - makes the...>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: J - In real life practice, my SO and I haven't had many, but there's been a few tense moments with anger involved. These moments all have one thing in common including the reason why they've happened. Same reason, same cause and same result every time. The symptom: Kicking the dog behavior or...just taking out the cumulative stress and anxiety of work (mostly ) on everything around her, which turns into anger about things in general, and everything seems to annoy her including me. Walking into the room and...>>> on Forum topic - Symptom, Response, Response
- by: Off the roller ... - I've been reading your responses from afar and this particular one made me smile - just think! There is DEFINITELY a market for a book like this, I feel like a lot of the time I'm inudated with books and all that about how I have to learn about ADHD, etc. And understand their shame and acknowledge their hurt, etc. Some days I'm here for it...other days I want to throw those books in the bin. There SHOULD be a book written from the non-ADHD perspective (@Melissa?? Are you reading this?? :) ) solely - so it'...>>> on Forum topic - I HOPE and PRAY this is rock bottom
- by: J - Thinking about this..... If you respond to something, that implies you're doing so in a somewhat controlled and thoughtful manner. That's not really the problem is it? If anyone involved in this dynamic is reacting, that implies they are doing it from an emotional place...a place without thought or reason? But what if the person in position #2 does not react or respond to the symptom? Where does that energy go? The story of the emporer who had 3 sons comes to mind. An emporer designed a test to see...>>> on Forum topic - Symptom, Response, Response