Recent Comments
- by: honestly - I've hit my breaking point a bunch of times, but never managed to leave. I have tried, really tried, got my finances together and accommodation and packed a bag. I've said in posts here that we're separating. But I've not been able to do it. It's not him that's keeping me but the paralyzing fear of causing my children pain. I have come to accept this about myself - that I can't push through their pain. So I've had to continue on past breaking point, haul myself back together, accept the blame he dishes out...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: J - All I can offer you is some perspective based on what you just said. About your boss. If it's a corporate situation...I see it this way. A corporation is not a person, it's an "entity" that exists for one reason only. To survive and be profitable. It is 100% self serving in the strictess way, it has no soul. And people in that environment are there to serve the entity and get rewarded for doing that well. The ones at the top got that way because, in themselves, are somewhat that way already which is why...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: Janster - Sadly I can relate so very much to your post, and have the greatest sympathy for you. It's our 33rd Wedding Anniversary, later this month, and I'm feeling like I can't to this anymore!>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
- by: J - I did something different. I was trying to have a touchy conversation dealing with an event that happened the other night where she became extremely angry. So angry, she was shaking. She started telling herself out loud..." calm down, calm down" as she was not yelling but her body language was screaming ! I really wanted to know what she was so angry about even though she couldn't tell me exactly. She could say why she was angry....but she could'nt tell me what caused this extreme reaction? So I...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: J - Just a side note first: I work with a guy who does this so I know it's very annoying. I can still remember things I've said on this very forum 8 years ago, and know when I'm repeating myself. I do it here, because I don't assume I'm saying it to the same audience. But if you picked out a story or train of thought from before...I'd be able to recognize it and say yes or no.....I've said this story before. Anyway, this guy at work tells the exact same story over and over in every excruciating detail as if...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: Burnt-out and E... - Hi Off-the-Roller, Thanks soooo much for this article link and your comments...WOW! I'm reading and thinking through each question. This is VERY helpful!!! Thank you, Burnt-out & Exhausted>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Swedish coast - The theme you describe hasn't been a part of my marriage to an ADD partner, but I've seen it in a relative. This dear person has very little ability to adjust to others. Every impulse, every topic, is on their mercy. If they get restless, and they incessantly get restless, they may disappear with no explanation or hint of when or if they're returning. This is exhausting, especially if you are trying to be a pleasant host. It's understandable that you're fed up with adjusting for him with no...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: catlover1000 - wow one point you made really resonates. My wife couldn't get it together for our anniversary two years in a row but yet has no problem planning and executing birthday stuff for her multiple co-workers. Makes no sense. I don't even think she remembered when I told her how much she hurt my feelings last year.>>> on Forum topic - Angry at ADHD Husband - Not Understanding Priority Setting
- by: Burnt-out and E... - Hello! Thank you for your feedback and sharing...I really appreciate it!!>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: J - and it has some really good information in it. Currently reflecting on myself and my own behaviors that contribute to any part ( good or bad ) in our relationship, has been a productive path for me. Regardless of whether I'm considering staying or leaving....it's only improved things, which is a good thing.>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Off the roller ... - Would you believe here's the start of a checklist - I find it as a 'gut check' big time for me and while you feel like you want to run like crazy right now, this is the chance to take a breath and assess and see where you want to go. I've been there, I am there and you aren't alone in it. *link removed*>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: J - the talking with my SO about a cue word, and some other steps mentioned in Melissa's book, but something else took precedence this weekend in the form of unexpected visitors. Actually, Friday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were filled with people coming over to the house each day. But the last two were unscheduled drop in quest on short notice. The last one was a good childhood friend I hadn't seen in 40 years. Things I noticed included: I definitely have an extroverted streak. I get energized with people...>>> on Forum topic - After Listening to Melissa's Audio Book....
- by: soloequestrian - Thanks, that's actually quite comforting. I don't think he is extremely badly affected, it's taken us 20 years to get to the point of realising there is an issue. I hope I can get him out of the apathy.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand his apathy
- by: Swedish coast - Hello, Yes I think you're right in that passivity in reconciliation is an ADHD effect. It's been a constant in my marriage. It is also present in other ADHD people around me. In the marriage it seemed linked to a perceived hopelessness, a sort of fatalism. Perhaps due to lack of confidence, or inability to initiate. A relationship crisis doesn't seem to spark any urgency in the ADHD mind. It can let the crisis run indefinitely. Even if the ADHD partner does want and need the relationship, and states it's...>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand his apathy
- by: J - from experience. Work on yourself, before you do anything else. It's a journey you need to take alone whether you're in a relationship or not. The sooner the better, because it takes a lifetime to accomplish. It's not about the getting to a destination...it's about the journey and all you'll learn while on it. Therapy is where it started for me. This is the best advise I could give anyone. J>>> on Forum topic - Apparently Me Crying Was Done To Keep Everyone Up!? .. Beyond Frustrated
- by: Elleleen45 - Hello, I am the non-ADHD partner in our relationship. I've gotten to the point where I've just become so frustrated that I'm just agitated and annoyed with him. We will literally have the same conversation about the "topic at hand" a minimum of 10 times. And the conversation each time starts off like it's the first time we've discussed this issue! It makes me feel like he's not retaining or remembering any part of the conversation we just had yesterday, or even earlier the same day. He says if I really...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: adhd32 - My H will do the same. Pushes me through the door first if he isn't comfortable entering a new place. Waits for me to step up when things are unraveling. Makes uncalled for comments when tensions are high while trying to resolve business issues like overcharging or flight mix up. His contributions are underwhelming and unhelpful. It is almost like he is a child waiting for momma to come in and save the day. I admit that I have told him to man up when he left me hanging. Difficult to have respect for...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: arabianhorselover - At this point I'm not sure what to say except that I'm still here and this stuff is still going on. I believe that underneath it all is toxic shame put on him by his father. I have tried everything to get him to admit that, but he will not. Not even I can get through the defensive boundaries that he erected around himself so many years ago.>>> on Forum topic - Just Realized Husband Has ADHD - After 26 Years Of Marriage
- by: J - With my SO, not chasing after her when I feel pushed away seems to work. Asking her questions if she's ready to talk instead of me demanding we talk right now is also helping. Allowing her to come to me when she's ready, on her terms, appears to be what works best. She's even said so using these words: "just allow it to happen"...which I interpret as, I will when I'm ready. She definitely doesn't like to feel pressured or pushed.>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: Swedish coast - Impending sense of doom is what invariably happens to me whenever there isn't enough exercise and too much time spent indoors... I feel it's quite unspecific. But sure, I suppose it could also be a symptom of something.>>> on Forum topic - Compassion