Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - People with ADHD need extra neurotransmitters to make up for what they're not getting otherwise. This is where the need for stimulation comes from. The chase for outside stimulation will lead you right down the path of least resistance and avoidance of what is difficult, boring or takes energy away. Those things can be draining, not stimulating, for a person with ADHD. This was my thought process as I read what you just said C. Enter motivation. In my own life as a young man, this is what I had to...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Haveaniceday - Reading through this thread, it really becomes crystal clear, in my case at least, that the inner motivation only exists in a very narrow / hyperfocused way for my spouse. He did quite well in life in his 20's when he was fortunate enough to be paid to do his hyperfocus thing all day long. But this thing has a natural age limit to it, and as life has gotten more real, he hasn't been able to keep up with the normal growth curve because that option is now finished. It's very difficult for him to muster the...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: J - People with ADHD need extra neurotransmitters to make up for what they're not getting otherwise. This is where the need for stimulation comes from. The chase for outside stimulation will lead you right down the path of least resistance and avoidance of what is difficult, boring or takes energy away. Those things can be draining, not stimulating, for a person with ADHD. This was my thought process as I read what you just said C. Enter motivation. People have been known to do superhuman things in...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: c ur self - Everything feeds of self-awareness....IF any of us refuse to SEE and OWN, our thoughts, words and behaviors we become an unsafe person for others...This is true in aspect of life...Only self awareness of my reality allows me to see what other's see in me...Be it a wife, friend, co-worker, or my creator... c>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: FinallyCrushing... - I was on Adderall for several years and was exactly like what you described. It absolutely took a crazy event and then the pursuit of self-awareness to overcome. My marriage is now stronger than ever, but if I'm being honest, it's only been very solid (on my end) for the past 4 years and we've been married for 13 years. I guess what I mean to say is don't give up hope, but whether it's you or a spouse having the issues, I recommend both people try to learn as much as possible about ADHD. It really helps...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: FinallyCrushing... - Dang. I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you guys. I was a mess for several years (minus any depression sympoms). I feel like medication CAN be really helpful, but it's more about the work I did for myself. Coming here, reading about symptoms and stories, seeing it in myself. It was really those realizations that helped me augment my behavior and headspace. Do I still get enraged several times a week? Yes. Do I let it out? Almost never. I've found that just calling it out inside my head ['rejection...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Swedish coast - This sounds very familiar, yes! The thing about highly intelligent and talented people with terrible executive functioning (ability to make things happen), is a partner can misunderstand their ability completely. For years! The impressive traits of the ADHD spouse fuel high expectations in the non-ADHD spouse. Those expectations aren't entirely let down. Later, the ADHD partner gradually lose their youthful energy, therefore can no longer compensate for their lack of executive functioning. Finally they...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: c ur self - Personality plays out in "how our minds work", is it a flexible trait? Yes, and No...I, or any person's attitude toward our own realities (awareness) is key....If I justify intrusive actions, then no, my interruption habit, might not be very avoidable...But, if kindly brought to my attention, and my desire is to not be intrusive, then I can view it as something I DO, and can give you the liberty to kindly point it out, when I get on a roll w/Interruptions.... Just something to consider....>>> on Forum topic - Advice on dealing with stream of consciousness talking
- by: c ur self - Motivation is key...If a person's view's and desires for themselves day to day, is of a self pleasing nature, and they invest their time and energy there, in activities outside the realm of responsible relationship demands, then the meds. only produce more focus and more energy for those selfish pursuits....Under pressure (hide their true self from others) the spouse might not even recognize this person's actions, (like I see w/my wife) because all of sudden her motivation becomes shame driven and drug...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Haveaniceday - Swedish Coast, I couldn't agree more. I think you and I have / had a similar type of dynamic in our marriages and I think it's not as common as the garden variety Non ADHD / ADHD couple. I cannot fault my H for all those above qualities, he is an exceptional human being, but I do feel that he is just not capable of functioning at the level required by today's modern society, especially the country where we live which is horribly complex and getting through a day is a huge challenge even for the most highly...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Swedish coast - Sometimes I feel a need to add when motivation is somewhat questioned in ADHDers as a group: there are also some, as I have seen, who lack nothing when it comes to motivation, devotion, loyalty, even self sacrifice. They still may not function to save their marriage. The non-ADHD spouse may hope that their love will make the ADHD partner change their ways. But like you can't make a person in a wheelchair walk to please you, you can't make a neurodivergent person change. By insisting on change you might...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: J - Hi @griffcat, There's been a lot of good information mentioned in this post already, mainly about what meds don't do. I concurr. From someone who took Adderall for over a decade, stopped for five years and now just last week, started taking them again, I have a fresh set of eyes on the effects meds are having on me much of which, are things you can read up on in countless sources including this site. I could talk at length on this subject and expand on the things already mentioned in this post. Right now...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: adhd32 - He is upset because he must now be responsible for everything in his life. Of course he is angry. Remind him why those boundaries are in place when his RSD surfaces then walk away. He can learn to control his anger if he wants to be your spouse. The choice is his. You have to develop a suit of armor against his feelings, those are his to manage. Old habits die hard and likely he knows how to push your sympathy button. Boundaries only work if you enforce them, do not allow him to manipulate you with...>>> on Forum topic - Numbness and apathy
- by: c ur self - Same...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Haveaniceday - Has anyone else noticed that putting healthy boundaries down to protect oneself elicits major rejection sensitivity from the ADHD partner? My husband told me the other day that the feeling he has now is so painful and unbearable because he really senses me taking some distance and sticking to my boundaries. I feel so sore for him, because i know he would never say this unless it was really severe (it took him many many years to even be able to talk about his feelings!), but at the same time I know 100%...>>> on Forum topic - Numbness and apathy
- by: YM - Thank you! That's a great perspective. I will look into it.>>> on Forum topic - Advice on dealing with stream of consciousness talking
- by: J - HI Ym.....My girlfriend ( SO) does a version of this although we don't work together or are together all day. Her verbal narration of the days events in real time, is confusing for me at best. I'm not sure sometimes if she's taking to me or just talking. Sometimes there's a question in there where she expects a response but I'm never sure if it's rhetorical or a real question for the me? Sometimes it's to the cats or a person across the street doing something in their driveway. I get it. For me, that's...>>> on Forum topic - Advice on dealing with stream of consciousness talking
- by: Swedish coast - Stimulants don't seem to help with priorities. Not with orientation either. They don't make the ADHD person able to plan ahead, to communicate, to express preferences or calmly solve problems together with their spouse. Stimulants don't solve reactivity at any perceived criticism either. And after seven or eight pm the effect is gone and nothing more can be discussed or done. All this only my personal experience.>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Swedish coast - And even a person with those virtues, the most profound, loyal, kind you ever met, might be like my ex husband and wreck your life because of dysfunction... Oh dear I'm so exhausted.>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: c ur self - Just reading your posts here makes me realize how easily we has human's get institutionalized based on our environment and our surroundings, and the faulty thinking we allow to mold us....We all have witnessed wonderful relationships...Being equally yoked is vital in a relationship, x10 that in marriage.....So many times in my life my focus as a man was on the things about her that attracted me....But, all the unseen things, (or even if they were visible I looked right over them at times) are much more...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone