My husband and I have had the same system for our finances for about ten years now. We put all of our income into our joint checking account and each week an allowance of $30.00 is transferred to our own personal checking accounts. This becomes our personal money that we can spend on whatever we want without question. My husband just received two bonuses through his job, one for several hundred dollars and one for a couple thousand dollars. I already knew about the one that's a couple hundred dollars and I agreed that that bonus could go to him personally because it was for work that he did outside of his job. Today he came to be about the one that is a couple thousand. He said that he wanted to use some of it to get some new clothes. I told him that I remembered him saying that he really needed a new phone, so I'd be OK with him using some of that money to get a new phone, but I'm not OK with him spending the money on new clothes. He's unhappy with me because of this. He said that he thinks that his "fun money" should be used for things that he wants to by. He says that he doesn't want to buy clothes, but since his clothes are wearing out and they don't fit anymore that he needs to buy new clothes and since it's a "need" then he shouldn't have to use his personal money for that. I told him that in my opinion, there's too much variety when it comes to buying clothes for that money to come out of our joint budget. I said that he could buy clothes at the thrift store or wait around for big sales in the off season to buy clothes. He could also use 60 of his 120 dollars that he gets a month to buy an item to two (or several depending on how he chooses to purchase them) and still have 60 dollars left over!
To me this is an issue of financial responsibility and a lesson in planning rather than an issue of needing something that he can't afford. But the problem is that we don't agree and he thinks that it's just me who thinks this way and that means that I'm controlling the finances and keeping him from spending money that he thinks he has the right to spend. I'd say this comes up about twice a year (when he notices that he doesn't have much to wear) but his actions don't change and he finds himself in this pickle again and again
Any help that can be offered in navigating this situation would be appreciated! We just started seeing a couples counselor to help with our communication, so I'm planning to bring this up there too.
If it helps my husband has been diagnosed with adhd and currently takes a non-stimulant medication.