That is what I hope for.  Alas, the ADHD Community, or should I say Assembly, seemingly contains many individuals who (we), reside in, and feel safest in, our own personal protective universes.   
     Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the rewards this site has rendered to my DW for nearly 6 years, and the Comrades she is able to relate to on deeply painful and personal levels.
     I just find it draining to be the sole participant, (here on this forum), in actively making an effort to communicate with my spouse and find answers, while being barraged with TMO.(too many opinions) for me to reasonably, coherently navigate.
     It is not clear to me as to why there are so few of (in my case), the male counterparts, who were *blessed/cursed* with the Titled neurology, to come forward and speak their hearts.  (Aside from the fact that Our breed has had plenty enough disapproval to date, to last to Eternity).
     Surely for every spouse holding the title ‘Non-ADHD’, there is at least one current or former ‘help-mate’ as counterpart. Surely we have a stake in this ‘dang-blasted’ EFFECT ! .Surely our stories are valid and worthy of being told, and more importantly being empathetically received.
    If you are out there, and decide to jump-on-in, I will admit resisting the ‘fight-or-flight  reflex is, well let's just say it takes a lot more out of you than you knew you had. While on the other-hand, and at the same time, (for me anyway), I have embarked on sobering journey learning how my Ferrari Brain w/ bicycle brakes can be all over the road, .......and ever so slowly…….. Trying to master, how to ‘feather the controls’.
      So ‘come-on-in’. I can't guaranty a you won't get nicked up, but along with the Jelly-fish,Sharks & Reefs, there is a lot more under the surface. 

In Anticipation of ‘like’ kinship.
     ADH9er

P.S.   If your gonna stick your toe in, cover your whole leg with ‘chain-mail’ (armor).

My husband has untreated ADD, and we are newly married. When we were dating he joked about his lifetime of ADD and I didn't think much of it, not knowing much about it. Now I see how while we were dating he was hyper focused on romancing me. Which of course won me over. He was over the top good to me, almost being pushy. He actually says he steam-rolled me into marrying him. Ha. 

However, now we're approx 8 months into our marriage and I am losing hope at how to deal w his micro analyzing every detail about our relationship. In the beginning if I even mentioned my ex fiancé in discussing past relationships, he became obsessed with if I still loved him. Made me go through all my jewelry and toss expensive pieces he had given me, insisting I was holding onto it cause I still loved him. Then I couldn't even mention speaking to my ex husband about our children, without him making snide comments that I wish I was still married to him. I had to ditch every male friend I had cause he thought there was more to it. I can't talk about men at work cause he asks if I think about having sex with them. And the latest is, I don't want to have sex whenever he wants to, cause I just don't want him. Even though he knows I'm more of a every 2-3 days kind of girl. When he is in his obsessive zone, no matter my tears or pleads he doesn't listen. Then when he has several days of self reflection he recognizes that he over thinks things too much and asks for forgiveness. He has been in talks with his doctor, taking different anti-anxiety drugs. So far, the SSRI's work best, but not completely and the side effects cause him to quit them. 

Im at a loss. I hope someone can give some assurance, guidance, and let me know I am not alone. Is this typical of ADD or not?

This is my first post here.

My wife was diagnosed with ADHD less than a year ago. At first I wasn't too convinced. Over the years it has been different things, depression, PTSD, BPD, etc... When we married 10 years ago I only knew a little bit about this. She briefly described some of her previous problems, but I was lost in the daze of love and didn't dive deeper. After reading the ADHD Effect, and other books on ADHD, I am sure this is it.

To give the whole back story would take pages. Lets just say there has been problems with me and with her. We are far from perfect. We have two kids, 5 and 7, and live in a nice house. You would think that everything looks great. However, I am always stressed out of my mind about bills, lack of her attention/desire, and my wife's inability to communicate with me about important things.

I'm in the military and currently deployed. This isn't the first, its the sixth. Every time I deploy we have the same arguments. I feel that she doesn't communicate enough and she says she is too busy. I know it is very hard to take care of kids on your own, even more so with ADHD. We've hired au pairs, her parents moved closer, we have baby sitters, she is always too busy. She always finds work, in the beginning it was volunteer work and now its her job. She commits everything to it as long as it is interesting to her. I email, send a chat, or call when I can ... almost everyday. I've waited almost a week for her to respond. I wonder if I am too needy, if I am asking too much, or if I have unrealistic expectations. I don't know. I don't want to base my relationship off the guys around me, but it seems like their wives are doing a lot more in this department. I feel lonely and unloved. I send flowers, I get a brief message back. I send romantic emails and she doesn't read them for days. My last deployment I send a love letter once a week. She didn't open half of them until almost a year later.

I've asked for photos of the kids and updates on school. I think she has sent me pictures about once a month and a few times twice. My son had a birthday party with just her parents. I didn't find out about it until the next day when I saw the pictures on my mother-in-law's Facebook. When I asked why she didn't take pictures and send me them, I was told to stop complaining and I wasn't missing anything. I've missed a lot due to military deployments. Pictures and video would go a long way.

Recently what has concerned me is her spending. Over the past six months she has made three major purchases without talking to me in advance. I found out she paid for her braces, about $5,000, after I saw the bill. I didn't even know that she wanted to do it. Recently she told me she invested in a local business for almost $7,000. This was after she spent the money. When I asked where it came from, knowing it was out on a credit card, she tells me not to worry and that it will be paid back once she gets her paycheck. Then she gets very defensive and asks why I am keeping tabs on her. Its been weeks and I still haven't seen it paid back. This weekend she is going to a work conference. The whole thing is almost $4,000. I know she paid for a first class ticket. We can't afford these things. The only reason I know the cost of this recent trip is because I read her email. She never told me about how much it would cost. I feel bad for looking, but the spending will effect me as well. I also saw an email about a loan, so she is taking out money for her business too. Her job isn't going well and I know she is dumping a lot into it, she just hides it from me.

It is hard to manage bills while I am away, so she does most of it. I'm not sure what to do. I will be home in about 45 days. I want to work this out now, but maybe that is too much. I can't sleep well and I am having a hard time focusing on work when I need to. I want to talk to anyone, but most of all my wife. The last two times I've called she doesn't answer.

I have another 9 years until I can retire. That means more time away and I can't keep going through this cycle. I bought the book on kindle so she can read it too. I've asked her to take a look at it because it also focuses on the hardships of the non-adhd partner. I can't fix her I can only work on myself. Its just hard when her actions effect me so much.