so im erly 40 and was diagnosed 2 years ago with ADHD ive been with the wife 10 years and weve had ups and downs and 3 children in the last 3 years it seems we only argue and when we talk the other just dosent understand todayshe got her diagnosis bipolar typ 2 and borderline we cant talk but we need to this evenin i wrote a letter to her so she can read it without interupting what im saying im hoping she will wreit back we had so mutch in common and i know she feels alone but i am in a foren country with no suport exept for her myself i was hospitalized for stomach ulsers 2 weeks ago that wer caused from stress evory time we speek i just feel my stomach start to tie itself in knots i dont want to give up on her or my children but im realy at an end of my power i need help and advice the medical system here is usles no chance of having 1 doctor you can trust and talk to allways having to explain from the begining to someone new who says completly the oposit to the last doctor you met im confused and cant do this mutch longer i just wat to close my eyes and say thats it im done but my character wont let me i know inside sometimes you just have to let go but i dont know how.

sorry about the wreiting its not my strong point 

No anger here just making an observation. I can get dolled up and get so many compliments from everyone, even other men, married and single, yet my husband says nothing. BUT, he can tell another woman that their hair looks nice or he loves their dress. It's so interesting to observe.

My husband is an artist. He started the hobby of pyrography and is excellent at it. Years ago, he took pictures of many of our female friends that are beautiful and made LARGE pieces of art work of them. I mean it took him months to finish them and they were creative not just a replica of the camera picture but he would have them in an African setting with elephants, or butterflies all around their head, or surrounded by stained glass, etc. Very intricate pieces of work. He even did a tasteful nude of one of our friends, her husband was in the portrait and then he did one of just the wife laying on a couch. So after a while I was upset since he never did one of me or even snapped a picture of me. I am not hard on the eyes I have been told by many. Well, he was displaying his art at an art show and one of our friends, the subject of one of the pieces, was there and it was one of the HUGE pieces of art. It was beautiful. He then gives me a small box, 8 1/2 x 11 and I open it. It's a replica of a picture of me, on our wedding day, in my gown. It was a head shot. I was so visibly disappointed. It was HIS fave pic of me, but so small and simple. There was no creativity and all he had to do was trace the picture onto wood. Nothing like his other creations. And he NEVER did anything else of me. Over the years, I have taken many pictures of myself since its now a selfie world and he has been so impressed with the shots that he says, WOW I HAVE TO BURN THAT, then never does. I feel like I am not any work of art to him. Yet he can see something or someone else and be inspired. Funny, our walls are littered with these works of art and people have asked where my portrait is. My piece is not even displayed. 

Same thing with singing. I love to sing and many compliment me. Most say they didn't know I could sing since he overpowers me with his voice. He can sing but he is very forced and loud and has no real control of his voice. I am not professional but I can keep Karaoke night going. He found out I was going to Karaoke alone since the owner of the restaurant called me the Queen of Karaoke once and then he wanted to go also. He sang over people and me and I already knew that would happen which is why I started going alone. Many compliment him on his voice when in public and he sings over me. 

Funny thing happened today. One of my best friends has a bipolar husband and he text me and sent me his latest you tube video (he plays guitar) and he mentioned that he would love to accompany me while I sing one day. I didn't acknowledge his YT video and said I would think about it. He proceeded to shower me with compliments on my singing. He gives his wife NO attention. I will have no part of that without letting my friend know first. It's a shame that spouses do this. They dote on other people and give nothing to their spouses. 

I am older and wiser now and I know that the lack of attention and compliments is not about me. I get enough from other people and I also am very happy with my looks after 26 years of marriage seeing myself mature and take care of myself. Its just annoying to see that he CAN SEE other women and say "Wow, she is hot, she is beautiful, she  looks great" but not say a word to me. Once in a while maybe but not enough to recall what he said the last time. I have been dolled up for weddings and drop dead gorg and he looks at me like I am a wall. Yet I tell him all the time that he looks handsome and something he has on looks nice even though most days he wears an action hero tshirt and jeans and dresses like a child. 

Very interesting observations. After having an emotional affair in 2013, I realize that I was aching for attention after all those years of not being seen. That man showered me with compliments and also had low esteem. I guess I made him feel good. That is over now and I am much stronger and don't need my husband's validation or approval to know what I am, who I am, that I am a special human and have good relationship skills and people love me. I feel for people who need that attention and have low esteem because it does hurt. I am only happy that I have learned that it's not about me. 

As a wife, it would be nice to "be seen" especially when my husband can "see" other women and compliment them and even get close to women, comfort them, give them advice, give them pet names, he has a habit of taking women under his wing especially if they have children, since he wants to be Superman to these type of people. 

The best thing that has come out of this 26 yr experience with him has been that I have grown up and matured so much. He has stayed behind and is somewhere in the 12-16 yr old mentaility. Yesterday I thought to myself that I never thought I would be the one to hold down a job, but he can't hold a job. I never thought I would leave for work and kiss him goodbye and leave him a to do list and tell him not to stay in bed all day. Then I looked in the mirror and thought: I never thought I would be THIS woman, strong, holding down a great job even though I dropped out of high school, liked by all (my husband has relationship issues) and able to hold the fort down, a good wife, friend and logical one. A woman that can take care of herself if my husband died. I have come a long way. I am proud of who I have become because of all the adjustments I have had to make due to my H's ADHD and other issues. I have survived it, been through a lot of crap, temper tantrums, his job losses every year, wondering how we would make it, illogical behavior and decisions. I am here. God, my family and friends have been my stronghold. 

Don't let the behavior of your significant other make you feel like it's all your fault and that you are insignificant. It takes a strong person to deal with all this mess. If you are reading this...your are special. 

I've been going back and forth as to whether or not I should write about this. I was hoping others would have written on this forum from this course, so I wasn't the only one, but obviously ultimately decided I would share. I'm sure I'll get some heat as this is considered a controversial topic, but since it was brought up a few times during the course, maybe this will help someone since I consider DH a success story with alternative treatments.

I am the non-ADHD spouse. When DH was diagnosed with ADHD, he decided, for various reasons, that he wanted to find alternative treatments first before moving to prescriptions. I supported this.

The biggest key to doing this is that you cannot self treat. Simply reading an article online that says Vitamin B or Fish Oil (or whatever other supplement) helped someone with ADHD, and then going to the grocery store and buying those to take really isn't going to have any impact. You need to see a Naturopathic Doctor (ND) who has had some experience with ADHD. You will not find a ND who specializes in it, as there is not a high enough demand for that. NDs are real doctors, who can write actual prescriptions if needed, it's just their specialty was natural medicine in school. There are loads of options in the natural or alternative world that only a ND is going to know about and know how to use them properly. There are prescription supplements, too, that you can only obtain through NDs. Holistic Healers or Herbalists are not going to have the extensive knowledge a ND has, either.

NDs are not typically covered by insurance, so you will be paying out of pocket. In our experience, you get what you pay for, though, and it is worth it. Our doc answers emails, actually encourages us to update her via email, and even offers phone "check-ins" to established patients all free of charge. She also consults multiple other doctors and specialists at no charge to us. It is usually around $100-200 per visit, depending on where you live. Lots of NDs will offer packages that give you X amount of visits at a discounted rate if you pre-pay. This really helps to save money. As a reference, DH can go several months without needing to see her, but in times where things need to be changed up, he sees her about once a month until things are back on track and then goes back to not needing to see her. If you don't live in a major city or near a ND, most NDs offer phone or telemedicine consults (secure skype basically). DH does the video appointments because he finds it easier to concentrate than being on the phone. His first appointment was in person, and the rest have been via phone or video. Typically, the first appointment is actually 2 appointments fairly close together. The actual first one will be you doing all the talking, to get a full health history, order tests (blood, urine, hair, or saliva are common tests for NDs to order), and be evaluated. (Our insurance covers most of the tests, but you will have to look into if your insurance will cover tests ordered by an out-of-network doctor). The second appointment will be the doctor explaining their recommendations and test results. From then on, the appointments will be like regular doctor visits, asking questions and getting immediate answers.

In DH's experience, after just a few weeks of being on the supplements and doing dietary changes, we started noticing subtle changes in the most severe of his ADHD symptoms. As time went by, the effects trickled down to the more minor symptoms. After about 3 months, there was significant changes in every aspect of his ADHD symptoms. Don't expect things to happen this quickly, it may take 3 months to notice ANY change. DH remained stable for about a year. Then we decided to sell our house, which everyone knows is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. The stress of that made his symptoms worse. Instead of immediately going back to the ND, which he should have done, we both ignored it and tried to muscle through the stress, because we both just wanted to sell, move, and have it all over with. This was a HUGE mistake. The ADHD symptoms spiraled and he was back to where he was prior to being diagnosed. After we moved, he finally went back to the ND and had things switched up. It helped for a few months until he went through a very stressful work situation, and again he went backwards. This time he went to the ND much more quickly and was able to get back on track once again, and stay that way for many months.

From what I have read, no matter if you are on regular prescriptions or what method of treatment you decide to use, you will have some ups and downs. In DH's case, every time he has changed things up, he has seen significant improvements quickly and they have lasted. The most frustrating thing for both of us is doctors, therapists, and the like, always tell us we have to be patient with prescriptions, because it takes a while to figure out what kind will work for you, and then what dose is the right for you. But they always downplay natural/alternative treatments because you don't see immediate results. DH just wanted the same consideration for the path he choose and has worked for him. We both feel strongly that everyone should choose what they feel is best for them, no matter if that is prescriptions, natural medicine, or some other option.

Not sure where to start - I will have been married for 24 years this year and feel like my eyes have been opened and that my marriage has been a lie, nothing. I have poured everything I can into this and have nothing left - I am crushed and exhausted. 2 weeks ago he came home and said I think I have ADD - and after looking at the signs and googling he seems to tick virtually every box - I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world.

My husband has always worked for himself and we have a business that has kept our heads just above the parapet for 20 years but he has never been able to push himself enough to raise us up a little bit higher he has always been too busy with the "day to days" as he puts it to look at the bigger picture. He is now 54 and 5 years ago the business failed due to bad debts - we managed to reinvent ourselves and keep going but we are coming to the end of the lease and I cannot keep going any more. He has been on courses and has great ideas but then does nothing with them, I have nagged, encouraged, cajouled, and begged. I am broken inside because I cannot see why he would not fight for us, why he does not want to make things better. All he looks at is what other people are doing / have got and is bitter and angry.

I have worked with him for the last 18 years while bringing up our children as well - I am looking at myself now and cannot believe that I always put myself second and did not see his lies and pretence for what they are. I found this site when I googled "is there hope in an ADD marriage" but at the moment I cannot see that there is. I cannot believe that I have just kept trying harder, blaming myself, working longer hours; I feel like I do everything and yet have nothing. Virtually no savings, no pension, a house with 10 years of mortgage left to pay and no idea of how to get out of this. I am not sure I can even stay married - to give away another 10 years of my life and end up in the same place. I always believed he was going to do the things that he said he would but I just don't believe in him anymore.

I ordered "Delivered from Distraction" - he read the screening test - and has done nothing since - I am reading it now. He does not want to get a diagnosis and does not seem to want to get help - he certainly won't take medication. I have been making him go for a walk every morning and am trying to improve his diet but it all feels a bit pointless. Another 2 week diet / phase / idea that he will not commit to. When I ask what he wants to do - what his dream is - he does not know - he says he cannot see the future and just asks me what I want to do.

Is there any hope? We are in the UK and I am struggling to find any UK support for adults or their partners.

Sorry to dump on you virtual people - but I haven't managed to get my head round this enough to speak to my friends about what is actually going on in our marriage.