So I know this is such a childish thing for me to do but I wanted to prove a point, and I think I have....

A month ago I was SO angry at my husband for various reasons that I cannot be bothered going over (all the usual cause of tension in our marriage) and I deleted him from Facebook and blocked him. Childish I know, but I was feeling so rejected that I had to find a way to reject him back. Well aren't I the fool? It has left me feeling even more rejected then before. As I said it has been a month or so now and not only has he not even noticed that I am completely gone from his page but that he is not even listed as being married to me anymore!  He is on Facebook numerous times a day! THATS how little he thinks of me or notices me. I have to laugh. I wonder how long until he will notice :(

And yes I know it was childish, but I am sick of always being the adult sometimes 

I Googled "husband takes me for granted".  I found this article that exactly tells what is going on in my marriage.

http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/NEWSLETTER%20ARTICLES/women_tak...

I was too nice and hard working...pitching in when things got tough to support my family.  He has enjoyed himself and feels like a lucky, princely fun guy causing RESENTMENT on my part (the behind the scenes hag).  It is time for some tough love, not for trying to understand him and his lack of motivation.  I am GIVING dh a dose of motivation.  Today, instead of rushing to get everything done and making life pleasant for him, I sat on the deck and blew bubbles....usually I would have had salad, dinnerware set, special drinks, everything nice and tidy.   Remember, this is the guy who said to me, "What have you EVER done for me?" AND "I don't have to work because I don't spend any money."

Why did I get tied to this guy?  This is what I am trying to figure out and to see if I can find some of my self back.  So, I asked him if he would grill what I had prepared. Then I sat on the deck and blew bubbles. He came with the platter of grilled meat and I continued to focus playfully on the bubbles...not on him.  He looked perturbed at first. Then, HE hustled!!!!! I have not seen him hustle for 40 years....he is usually like Jethro Clampett.  

I think I am on to something.  I ask him directly for what I want from him...he is willing to work but has no direction or self motivation.  This requires planning on my part.  Then, I make sure I don't step in and help or do it for him.  I DETACH and find my own balance and enjoyment.  I think we both enjoyed to see him move and figure out what to do himself rather than both of us depending on me to coordinate, enable, decide, serve. 

I did not cause him to be the way he is.  I cannot control him.  I cannot cure his ADD or his dependence on beer and denial. 

I CAN put him on the hot seat and take myself off the hot seat.  If he wants to live with me, he has to come half way....maybe even 60% of the way for a while as I try to turn things around.  If it doesn't happen, it is up to me to find people and community to fill my needs of belonging and not keep trying to get something from someone who is unable or unwilling to give.

I have been afraid of appearing like a diva or selfish.  What I was doing was being a wishywashy non-person...a servant girl.  A dog who thought I had to be nice and smile in the face of humiliation.  NO MORE!  My sanity will not tolerate things as they had been.  It is time to "woman-up!"

I am in a marriage with someone with ADHD. 

He is a kind person, good with our kids, does do chores. BUT has no ability to deal with his money. Since our children were born he has twice drained his account to zero and not told me. Not because he has spent all his money but because he does not invoice. He is beyond stuck. He is a talented and intelligent person who will not take action, get a better job make more money. I like many spouses on this forum end up nagging him constantly. We fight about things he often gets defensive, shuts down or tells me he never wanted the responsibility of marriage and parenthood anyway. He calls me angry and says I have beaten up down and that is why he can't make anything of himself. I have financially supported him when he has had no money, I have gone back to work full time while he works from and gets to be with the kids all day -- even though I wanted to be the one to spend time with them, I have put him in touch with people who could help his career many times, I encourage him I spent hours trying to help him figure out his life. I feel unloved, unappreciated and really just overwhelmed with my demanding job, and a husband who threatens to leave me constantly and just can't seem to ever think past the present. Although like I said he is good with our kids. What kind of parent can he be if he has no ability to get himself together financially? 

Totally at a loss of what to do next. 

As I sit here, I'm actually crying. The last two weeks..everything changed. Before these two weeks, we were so happy...

I've written a topic here before: "how to cope with my adhd boyfriend". I don't even think or feel now, that his adhd has anything to do with how he's treating me. A few weeks ago, it were really going great. So great, that if I now think about it in camparison to how things were last week and this week, I start to cry. He called me frequently, even when he was busy. I got random texts. He made jokes, he were loving. Then I went to visit him (we have a long distance relationship) for the first time in 3 weeks. That weekend were wonderful. He were by my side the whole time. We were away with a bunch of friend. We didn't argue once. We were just both so happy to see each other again. We even gave out tips to our other friends who were also in a LDR because they admired how we do it. And then I went back home....and everything changed...He didnt call, make jokes, send random texts...his messages were short, giving nothing away of how he felt. I asked him whats going on... he says "nothing, i'm just tired after the weekend". But each day followed like that. I tried to keep things light and fun when we talked...over a phone call, he didnt have anything to say to me...

I thought that it's going to get better..the past weekend he came home and everything were fine at the beginning...but then he just said somethings that were quite hurtful...but he was joking..but i couldn't help to wonder if there's some truth in.. the rest of the weekend I were very quiet...I wanted to talk to him and ask what he meant with what he said, but I was afraid..because he gets mad when I doubt him...but i cannot help it if says things in a jokingly manner, but then that joke had to start at some point of serious thinking?

When he went back to where he studies, we had a tiff right before he left...so he left when we were mad at each other... then the rest of the day nd the following day we didnt speak...It really bothered me, so then I called him to talk things out...We actually did, and he again told me he loves me, but we should tallk to each other when something bothers us and he would try not to get mad..

But now he has exams...so he studies almost whole day, so we barely talk. I'm not going to see him for the next two weeks. From yesterday, he doesn'y have to stydy untill sunday he said, so I though and hoped that we can just have random, fun conversations again...but I was wrong. Yes, I know he were really tired so he went to sleep really early last night, and only woke up at about 11:30 this morning...so again I thought, "okay now we can talk for a bit". But he decided he's going to watch movie whole day...and when he watches movie, that's the only thing he can focus on... BUT. I understand, he's tired from studying, and now that he has the chance, he just want to do nothing and have time for himself. But how do I tell my heart to understand that? like, we had a really short text convo, but it's again as if he's not interested in me..beacuse I will ask him things, tell him things just to speak to him...he just don't do it...not even a "how's your day going?" like two weeks ago. Usually he had something to say after my message...now nothing.. I'm the one trying. And I have this feeling he doesn't care even that we talk so little now.. he doesn't care that he's not going to see me for the next two or three weeks... I don't know if he's just so comfortable in our relationship, that he doesn't realize, he still actually got a girlfriend that would like a bit of recognition. I now feel that he won't even care if I just walk away and leave him. Because I'm beginning to think that's the only thing left for me to do. I have put so much in this relationship. But now I feel I have to fight for some of his time and attention...and I know I'm worth more. 

Should I go, or should I just cry some more and stick with him until I don't love him anymore :(