Fellow ADDers, I would appreciate some unbiased comments about my situation. thank you.

I am a male with ADD, severe, had a very difficult life in the school and work world. Suffered, lost jobs, lost money the list is long and ugly. The good news is that when my troubles were at their worst and simply unbearable (I was surviving on meds, alcohol and pot) I found out about my ADD alone at the age of bloody 38.

One of those better late than never situations, i was in rock bottom big time. Paralyzed most of the time, unable to do the minimum to survive. Being married and to be honest not being sure if I made the right choice of wife as my ADD was slamming me against walls. We had a kid and then things started going horribly bad. My wife who was the sweetest thing after holiday candy for

years became a totally different person i could not recognize. During my most painful, hopeless days where depression and daily disasters were common i used to beg her to talk to me for 10 mins a week, just that, as I do not have many friends in this city and

she was the only person i could talk to. Wanted to talk about us, how we can come out of the mess we are in as a couple, finances. Basically teaming up to overcome an ugly horrible mess we were in. She had her problems and she never said to herself this guy is suffering, let me give him something just because he is the father of my kid. This was after many requests, she was stone cold and it scared me and  she said everytime you sort yourself.

I realize that there was a lot resentment because of my laziness etc.... around the house but repeatedly denying somebody the minimum while this person is in real trouble. When her parents or her friends had issues she was very compassionate, when it came to me she treated me like a dead rat. I did not have energy to confront her much, I was weak and struggling.

This kept on for a good two yesr, not allowed to talk to her and sex being a rare occurence and i needed it badly in those days. Things got worse, every time she had to choose between me and friends i was not given the most basic respect, me and a statue were the same. This was even when i was right, it did not matter nothing came between her friends and family.

My condition did not matter. Things reached a point that was bad with constant arguing and she always sticking to what suits her not what suits us. In the end she said she wanted out, separation. After being reluctant to go there for the kid I had to tell her through email as i could not speak to her that I was starting the separation steps which is what she wanted.

Now she chickened out but i said enough is enough, a gang member would have more compassion than her. Stone cold no matter what. I said this woman is dangerous, I am really worried that if i have a heart attack she will not bother with CPR, I lived in a war zone for years and have not seen such cruelty between people who have things in common.

After a long time unemployed, I got a job and it was like my window to freedom, I focused on it and while i needed some time to start making decent money she had already registered for a full time course meanin she could not work anymore not that her work paid anything half decent. I was not involved and it was what it was.

Inspite of the stories i have heard about couples with ADD, this is a level of cruelty i cannot cope with. she has no conscience and no feeling day in day out over years. She is a good mom and housewife but I do not count even if I am on my deathbed. I got a book about ADD relations, she did not bother to read much citing lack of hope. I tried couselling, talking and she said no, you sort yourself. She is not willing to do anything to help our relationship, zero no matter how much i beg.

I cannot take this and as bad as my ADD was, i say was because i am medicated now and improving and doing well at work in a very long time, i am building self esteem brick by brick. Zero credit for having discovered my disease on my own, 100%. People in my support group see me as a little hero given how much i did alone to get better.

Does she have the right to do this? do i deserve this? total irrelevance and her shouting from the bottom of her gut that she hates me and hates me and hates.

In order to not have a vein rupture somewhere in my brain from all the heavy burdens most human will never experience or know that they exist, i need to get away from this. I dont think this is normal, whatever my disease and specially that i go to the bottom of it with treatment. It was a difficult journey, very difficult and now i was hoping to get a little reward and support which would be normalcy and having a human next to me. I came close to suicide but kept the faith thinking of my parents and son.

Help, thank you. I hope all you guys are doing good. this disease eventough ridiculed by some can kill your soul and you if left as is.

all the praise to my meds that simply are why i can go on, you guys know what I mean.

thank you all

Okay, what follows is cliche, but I know throughout my life I probably didn't really hear the message clearly enough to provoke lasting confidence, so I'm going to repeat it.

I went for a job interview the other day. I'd spent a lot of time preparing for it, anchored by the 100 lbs. stalagmites that form in my stomach drip by drip of self denegation as I prep for the anticipatory answer to the "why all over?" questions.

I got the job, actually a grander one than I applied for. I was as surprised as you are.

So, this morning, I started analyzing why I got the job. The simple fact is that these people have a small budget and a lot of work. A lot of diverse work, and I can do it all.

Because I'm so curious, craved sensory stimulation, couldn't make up my mind, I've tried a lot of things and learned a lot of skills. It's the "play" Dr. Hallowell references in "Delivered from Distraction."

Because I finally got a handle on all those experiences and narrowed them down to the subsection/interconnection of three interest areas, I was able to articulate my strengths and goals to the interviewer.

Because I was creative, I was able to find a job that matched that intersection, which other, more narrowly focused people, might not have recognized.

So, if you are going through a scattered period, remember this success story. You do have strengths, they just may look different than the "norm." Use your talents for big picture thinking and creativity and then buckle down to the analysis of your experiences (or delegate this chore - calling all partners!), make a reasoned commitment, and then go for it in your wholehearted, ADHD manner.

I know a lot of you can relate to this, but I wonder if anyone has a suggestion for how to solve the problem quickly.

My husband lost 7 jobs in 3 years before being diagnosed with depression and ADD. He got on meds and eventually decided to work again. Now he has a job he loves. He's a peer specialist working with the severely mentally ill. The job requires a person with a diagnosed mental illness. It gives insurance but even with that we still shell out over $100 a month for his meds.

He had been getting some treatment and meds through a university psychology clinic. He decided the young student he was seeing couldn't help him any more and at the same time the marriage counselors we were seeing got tired of US. (I think they thought disputes about not contributing around the house, etc. were beneath them.) Not working with a counselor at the clinic left him with no access to the doctor there who prescibed the meds for him.

He now has a week's worth of meds with no new prescription (because of the stupid thing that you need a new presecription each month). He's gotten the names of 3 different doctors from his co-workers, who, of course, know a lot of shrinks. But he "hasn't had time" to make a phone call to set up the appointment. We both have serious issues that require expensive meds, so we have to have insurance. If he loses his job, we have a disaster. These jobs are hard to get and he loves his. So why won't he find the time to make a phone call?

He seems to think he doesn't need the meds any more. Prior attempts to go off the anti-depressant have been disasterous, and the doctors say he'll need to take it his whole life. I remind him that his (psychotic) patients decide they don't need their meds and they always get way worse. He told me he forgot to take his meds yesterday and he was fine so he doesn't need them. Why is he doing this??!!

He said for a long time that he wants to live in the city where he works. But there agaiin, he could never find the time to call rental agents. I work 30 miles away with no phone book for his work city, so I can't do it. If he wants it, why won't he make the phone call?

I live in terror. I am finding it hard to sleep. If he isn't taking medicine, he's going to lose this job he loves more than he loves me. I got fied from a job that allowed me to work double shifts in November, so I have no idea how I'd support us both. It is so scary that this isn't a priority for him.

Tonight when I got into bed with my laptop I was desperate, at my wits end, could have screamed the place down and then kept running so great is frustration and loss at where to go from here, what to do. Fortunately I put something into google and found this site. I have knowledge, have done a lot of reading and research but there is nothing quite like sharing with those that have been where you are and truly understand. I am married to a very intelligent, well educated, well meaning but highly chaotic man who is needy to the extreme, over talks, lives in his own world and misunderstands most of what I say - even basic things. I have run out of energy from explaining, pre empting,  reminding and doing damage limitation for 20 years. Our two children who are 12 and 10 are happy and well despite becoming increasingly aware of how mentally drained and frustrated I am by their father. I don't think I can keep it going for too much longer so am in the process of making a plan but in the meantime knowing that I am not alone in this helps tremendously. I look forward to reading more of your experiences and hope that I too can bring something of use to a great site.