Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • Is it REALLY the ADHD that causes this? by: Tired Silly 15 years 1 week ago

    As I read the posts of women that are frustrated, tired, and angry at having to deal with their ADHD spouse I am left wondering. Is it really ADHD that causes these things? Could it be just personality traits? Is the ADHD a diagnosis that allows the affected individual to not take responsibility for their actions?

    Do women who do NOT have ADHD spouses experience the same frustrations that those of us with effected spouses do? I would say yes. How much then is due to the dx and how much is due to other factors?

    Just a few days ago, I told my husband how tired I was. I asked him why I am always the one to take responsiblitiy for everything? Why do I feel so burdened and weary and why do I  feel like the only adult in the relationship?

    I see that some of you have found ways of coping. Ways of working around the issues, but it seems ... indulgent to me. It is not as if my husband has a mental deficit. He is intelligent and capable. I cannot fathom why he does not want to nurture and care for his family by providing an income. He must want that. . . so what keeps him from doing it? he was diagnosed with adhd and depression both. He is not under treatment for either one. He says that the medications make him not feel himself and he does not trust therapists.

    I would appreciate imput on this. Do you really believe it is the adhd that causes the symptoms?

  • Webinar on job hunting and ADHD by: jennifer1788 15 years 1 week ago

    Hi,

    I know a really stressful part of a relationship/marriage is work stability and keeping a job. My having ADHD and going from job to job to job in a really short amount of time is really stressful for me, and its definitely a source of stress for my partner for a lot of reasons. He gets upset because he wants me to be stable and have reliable money coming in, but its hard to keep a job for a long period of time, and it gets really nervewracking Having and keeping a job with ADHD is a scary prospect. I've been looking for jobs recently and I came across this release about a free webinar that's being given by this guy Michael Laskoff, a CEO of his own company, who has ADD and who's had a simillarly hard time keeping jobs and dealing with work and job hunting. This might be a really good useful thing to sit in on about job hunting and whatnot, and he's even taking questions at the end. I'll post the release information. Hope this helps!

    Jennifer

    -------------------------

    MICHAEL LASKOFF TO DELIVER ADD/ADHD JOB HUNTING WEBINAR FOR ADDA

    While Attention Deficit Disorder has been known to cause complications and frustrations in the work environment, it doesn’t have to be the end of hopes and dreams for success.

    Just ask Michael Laskoff, who overcame ADHD to graduate Harvard Business School and take a successful leap into the career world.

    Laskoff, author of Landing On the Right Side of Your Ass: A Survival Guide for the Recently Unemployed, has capitalized on a mix of unpleasant experiences to land jobs with more satisfaction, increased responsibility and better compensation.

    He’ll reference those experiences and other job search tips during an hour-long Webinar for the Attention Deficit Disorder Association starting at 9 p.m. EST April 28 via www.add.org. ADDA members simply log in online to view his 45-minute presentation, followed by a 15-minute question and answer session.
    Laskoff knows firsthand what it takes to battle the business world and come out on top.
     
    “You’ll find you’re going to make more mistakes than other people. You have to deal with it,” he said. “You’ll also be extraordinarily good at one thing where other people may not be at all.”

    Among his resume entries is co-founding The Branded Asset Management Group, which helps large marketers utilize their profit potential in existing brands. He also worked in senior marketing and strategy for Bertlesmann, McKinsey & Co., CompUSA and several early commerce businesses.

    Laskoff is now the CEO of his own company, AbilTo, which uses videoconference to offer evidence-based therapy to people battling prevalent, treatable behavioral disorders – such as ADHD, panic disorder, and postpartum depression.

    He has maintained frequent blogs on Huffington Post, an online column for BusinessWeek and regular appearances on National Public Radio. For more information on Laskoff and his company, visit www.abilto.com.

    The ADDA is the world’s leading adult ADHD organization, which specializes in providing information, resources and networking opportunities to people with AD/HD and their families.

    More information, including how to become an ADDA member, can be found on the association’s Web site: www.add.org.

  • I Just Posted a Success Story in the Communications with ADHD Topic Area by: Hoping4More 15 years 1 week ago

    Check out my recent post entitled "Our Hard Work Seems to be Paying Off" in the "Communications with ADHD" topic area.  I am actually feeling hopeful today, whereas just 3 days ago I was wondering if maybe my wife and I ought to split up.  I can attest to the fact that a relationship with someone with ADHD is very hard work, and also that the hard work does seem like it will pay off.  I really do appreciate all the responses I have gotten to what feels to me like an awful lot of posts that I have made in recent weeks.  I definitely plan to continue using this forum to get feedback, advice, and encouragement and I appreciate everything people have said so far to help me figure out how I might do things differently in ways which will positively impact my relationship with my wife.

  • Our Hard Work Seems to Be Paying Off by: Hoping4More 15 years 1 week ago

    Last night my wife wasn't ready to come up to bed when I went to bed so I kissed her goodnight and said "Please don't stay up all night" and she said "I won't."  She did not come up to bed until the exact time I was going to get up from bed (the alarm had gone off about 15 minutes earlier).  She got into bed.  I cuddled up to her and have her a kiss and asked "Did you get your work done?"  She said she had.  I asked "Did you get any sleep?"  She replied that she had gotten some.  She said, "I should have moved from the love seat to the couch, though."  I asked "How come you didn't come up to bed?"  She said "I was too lazy."

    I said "OK.  I have to get up" and she said "Aw, just one more kiss?"  And my response was something like "No, I have to get up."  I also said, "I don't understand how on one hand you can say you can't go to sleep unless I am in bed with you and on the other tell me you didn't come to bed because you were too lazy."  I left the room feeling a little angry and went downstairs to get coffee and make my lunch.  And I realized I had been striking back at her in getting up without kissing her again and in what I said.

    When I came back upstairs I said to her, from the bathroom (she was still in bed) "Are you awake?"  She said "Yes."  I said "I need to tell you that when you said you didn't come up to bed because you were too lazy I felt like I didn't matter to you."  She made no reply, and I didn't say anything else, because I often end up just repeating myself without giving her enough time to absorb what I had to say and formulate a response.  Imagine my surprise when she came into the bathroom after about two or three minutes, said nothing, and got into the shower.  So I said "When you don't answer me after I say something like that I feel like you don't care how I feel."  She seemed perplexed and said "I didn't answer you?"  I said "I didn't hear any answer."  She said "I answered you."  I said "What is your answer?"  She said "I said something like 'I'm sorry' or something like that."  Which made me feel like she was saying to me "You are WRONG - I DID answer you."  It did not feel like she was actually answering me in response to my original statement.  I couldn't spend time talking more because I was already running late for a doctor's appointment.  So I opened the shower door to give her a kiss before I left and said "I am still feeling like I have not gotten an answer from you."  (I should probably point out that her not coming to bed until it is time for me to get up has been a source of contention for a long time now.  I have told her over and over that I miss her when I wake up.  She has told me over and over that she is sorry.)

    So anyway, I sent her an email saying just that - that it felt more like she was trying to prove to me that she had, in fact responded, than actually respond to my statement.  And she responded to my email in a way that made me feel like she heard SOME of what I had said.  To which I replied that it felt like she had heard some of what I had said, and I thanked her for that.  And I reiterated the part that I felt she had still not heard.  We exchanged several emails where she was trying very hard to hear me, be empathetic, etc. and getting closer each time to hearing what I was trying to communicate.   And our exchange ended with my sending her one last email thanking her for bearing with me and listening to me repeat myself until I felt heard, and telling her I admire her tenacity, in that when she puts her mind to something - in this case, hearing what I have to say - I KNOW she will succeed.  That my knowing that accurately hearing what I have to say, is something she has decided to put her mind to, makes me feel loved, because she is doing something that it is important to me, and it also gives me hope, because I know how successful she is when she does put her mind to something.

    I know, this is a long post to give an example of something working.  But I am feeling like some of the very hard work BOTH my wife and I are doing is beginning to pay off.  And I will try to remember this moment the next time we get into one of our arguments, which I know we will, because I do know that this is a process.  I am also thinking that I might ask my wife if our email exchange felt as "successful" to her as it did to me.  And finally, I wonder if it might be beneficial for us to spend more time having these kinds of exchanges via email, where we both seem to do a better job saying what we need to say in a loving way, hearing the other without getting defensive, etc.  And then maybe when we are together we might spend some time talking about the email exchange, what we liked about what the other said and how it was said, etc.

    Baby steps.  :-) 

  • Should I just "Do It All" by: Sueann 15 years 1 week ago

    We have strange dynamics around household tasks. I'd like opinions on how to get unblocked in this area.

    I am physically limited and have a lot of pain on normal activities like walking. My husband has pretty severe inattentive ADD. Soon after we married, he lost his job and didn't work regularly for 3 years. He's working now, at a rather difficult job that he loves. I went back to school while he wasn't working, figuring if I had to support another person the rest of my life, I needed a better job. I lost my job in November.

    A couple weeks ago, I went back to work. I work night shift as I have classes during the day. I leave before he gets home. He told me, when I was gone all day working 2 jobs after he stopped working, that "I don't work well alone," by way of offering that as a reason why, when I came home after 15 hours, there were no clean dishes or laundry and I had to do all that too. I can get him to do housework if we work together, along the lines of "Will you empty the dishwasher while I clean off the counter?"

    The problem now is that I can't get him to do anything. I come home at night and burners are on, empty packages from cooking (like those styrofoam boxes mushrooms come in) are sitting around on the counter, and the kitchen is a total mess. He says "I don't know what to do alone" but I argue that a 48 year old college graduate should be able to figure out that if you empty something, you throw it out, and you should always turn off the burners. Because of the different shifts, our marriage counselors discontinured us, and he has no therapy around his ADD (the doctors seem to be saying as long as he takes his meds, he's fine.)

    So I have 2 possible options. One is not to do my homework and spend my daytime cleaning up after him. The other is to fuss about this, and probably still have to clean up after him. If my landlord did an inspection, we'd get evicted. Does any one have any ideas beyond "the non-add person has to do all the work." He admits it isn't fair, but radically overstates the work he actually does. He says without me there to tell him what to do, he doesn't know. I can't call him and tell him what to do, there is no outbound phone at work and I don't have (or want) a cell phone.

    Ideas, anyone?? I'm desperate!

  • Back and Forth by: JerseyGirl 15 years 1 week ago

    One of the blogs awhile ago recommended "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" (something like that).

  • Saw the Ex on Saturday... by: brooks30 15 years 1 week ago

    My ex-ADHDer and I have friends that are a couple. He is one of the husbands best friends and I am the wife's best friend. Husband and wife moved on Saturday hence, got to see the Ex.

    For those of you who don't know me, I was engaged to a wonderful ADHD man who was diagnosed as a result of couple's counseling we entered. However, July of last year (6 months after diagnosis) I made the decision to leave him because I was just not able to deal with his roller coaster behaviors and he would just not commit to any sort of treatment (was only taking medicine and seeing a therapist for 1/2 hour each month to keep me "happy").

    What is so interesting is that after he was diagnosed he said it was like he was a blind man who could finally see (hyper focus on the diagnosis). Six months later when our relationship ended, he stated that he thought I was just always making too big a deal about his ADHD and didn't really see what my problem was. Sigh.

    On Saturday I found what I expected....his life is a serious of impulses. He states that he is really happy...and I believe him. He is not on any sort of medication or therapy but says that he has been watching what he eats and is taking his omegas. I only partially believe this but still consider it a good sign that he is at least doing something.

    He life is still sheer chaos though. In the morning of the move he stated that afterward he had to meet up with his sister for a birthday party (couldn't remember whose party it was) and then after that he was going to drive to the mountains so he could snowboard the next day (planning on arriving at 10:30pm). Right away I knew this was impossible because he simply just can't manage time well enough to fit three huge events like that into one day. Sure enough I talk to my friend today (the wife) and he was at her house until 10:30pm putting together furniture with her husband.

    He also revealed to me that he is still sleeping on an air mattress and has yet to get a bed. A few months after he moved out (in December ) a family member of mine passed and had bought a bed 4 months previous. I called and asked him if he wanted it for FREE and he said "no, thank you" because he had his eye on something else. It's April and he is still on the air mattress (which is supposed to be mine from the separation).

    But he is happy. He still has his job (this has never really been a problem) and is enjoying his life. It's just interesting to see why I left in front of my face. I actually knew for a fact that he would be happier if we weren't together and I would be happier. And we are. It was never going to work for us but I hope one day he can find someone it does work with.

     

     

  • How "Normal" Is It To Have Intense Fights? by: Hoping4More 15 years 1 week ago

    I said to my wife (ADD) the other day, after a particularly horrific fight (at least it was horrific from my perspective) - "I just can't take it anymore.  We can't keep fighting like this."  She replied that all couples fight, that fighting is normal.  I said disagreements are certainly normal, and maybe fighting sometimes is normal, but I didn't think that fights like we have been having, where one or both partners are yelling, cursing, slamming doors, etc. was normal.  And I also don't think fighting so often is normal.  (I consider "often" to be one or more fights in a week.)  It seems like we have these fights at least once a week, and lately even two or three times a week.  And they are having a real toll on me.  I can't stand it when my wife yells and bangs around like that.  And when I get so frustrated that I yell and curse and bang things I am feeling REALLY frustrated (which in itself feels terrible), PLUS I feel bad at the time that I am behaving like that - yelling, cursing and banging things.

    The fact that we fight so often, and the fact that I become so enraged that I yell and bang things, is starting make me wonder if maybe I made a mistake.  That maybe I shouldn't have married my wife.  Because I just can NOT go on living like this.  It is just way too stressful for me.  I am not happy being in a relationship where we fight so often.  I definitely understand that disagreements will occur, and perhaps even frequently.  But do they have to trun into fights?  I do NOT want to be in a marriage where fighting like this is considered "normal."    My wife, however, seems to think that my expectations for marriage are "too high."  I'm not sure what to think.

  • How Do I Use I Statements to Tell My Wife She is Being Defensive by: Hoping4More 15 years 1 week ago

    My wife (ADD) and I (non-ADD) had a really big fight this weekend, and I need some more advice.  In case you haven’t seen my past postings – my wife and I have both been working very hard to express love to the other – me by criticizing less and using words of affirmation and physical touch more, and my wife by giving me more attention without distraction.  And we had just had a pretty good week.  But then:

    The fight started when, after telling my wife that the comment she just made after I told her something made me feel like she didn’t care about what I was saying, she got defensive.  Which resulted in my not feeling heard, which when I said something, resulted in her getting even more defensive, hostile, etc. which then escalated into a terrible fight where my wife went to bed yelling, cursing and slamming doors while I stayed down on the couch avoiding her wondering why I was still in this marriage and thinking that maybe it was time for us to split.  She came down at some point and said she wanted me to come up to bed, and I said I couldn’t.  That I couldn’t just forget what just happened and come to bed.  That, in fact, I was thinking maybe we need to split up, because these fights are too common and I just can’t take them any more.  (I had thought this before but had never actually SAID it.)  That put her into a “Please don’t leave me.  Please come to bed” mode, while I just lay there afraid to say a word.  It was terrible!

    She went up to bed, but eventually came back down and calmly and nicely asked me to please come back to bed, which I did.  And the following morning we talked about what had happened.  And I was FINALLY able to get her to hear that the dynamic that seems to occur very frequently is this:

    I attempt to tell her something she did that made me feel invisible, like I don’t matter to her.  She gives a defensive (or hostile, or belittling) response, which makes me feel like she hasn’t heard what I said, which makes me feel even more invisible.  Which causes me to say something like “I don’t think you HEARD me, what I am trying to say is . . . “  And I try to restate what I said in a way that she can hear it.  Sometimes she gets even more defensive, and starts saying things like “Well, YOU do such and such.”  Or maybe she’ll just say “That’s not what I did.”  Or maybe she’ll say something to indicate I shouldn’t be upset by what she did.  Sometimes when I say “I don’t think you heard me” she’ll say “Yes I did” in an almost hostile tone of voice.  And I’ll say “Can you tell me what you heard?  And she’ll repeat back the WORDS I said, in a way that makes me feel like she’s saying “See, I TOLD you I heard you.  So there!” Which make me think that while she heard my words, she didn’t really hear the MEANING of my words.  And the TONE she uses makes me feel even worse.  Or, sometimes she’ll just say “I HEARD you – stop talking about this!”  And that certainly doesn’t make me feel like she heard me either.  I’m sure there are other examples of responses she has, but I’m sure these suffice.

    Anyway, the morning after the fight, I told her some of this.  And I also said – “what usually happens is either you don’t hear me, or if you DO hear me, you feel SO BAD about what you did, that you end up feeling like a terrible person, and then the exchange turns into your saying what a terrible person you think YOU are and how bad you feel about that.  And it’s not my intent to make you feel like a terrible person, so I might try to make you see that you are NOT a terrible person.  And so what happens is it becomes all about YOU, and whatever I was trying to say just gets lost as a result.  Then what happens is we “make up” and YOU end up feeling better and I end up without any resolution.”   Or else, I refuse to let it go because I haven’t gotten resolution and then I get very angry and start yelling at YOU.

    She ended up really getting it, and said she didn’t realize she did that.  That it must feel terrible to have someone walk all over my feelings like that.  Etc.  I said – “Exactly!  Thank you!”  She then said, so when you say something to me instead of going right to MY feelings I need to ask myself what YOU are feeling and if I don’t know, I need to ASK you what you are feeling.  You might get tired of me asking you that.”   It feels like I have finally gotten through to her!

    I know that some of the things Melissa said in her "Two Day Experiment" posting really apply to us, and I think that sometime soon I will recommend my wife read that post and that we do that experiment.  But where I need advice now is in how to express some things that I find myself commonly saying to her using "I statements" that would be less likely to put her on the defensive.   Things like:

    “It sounds like you are getting defensive.”

    “I don’t think you are hearing what I said.”

    “I still feel like you haven’t heard what I said.”

    “Your tone of voice sounds hostile.”

    “Would you please use a softer (or kinder, or more loving, etc.) tone of voice?”

    “You have an angry look on your face.”

    “I’m looking for some empathy.”

    And I’m sure there are others, but these are all I can think of right now.

  • When you are cycling into overwhelm by: Aspen 15 years 1 week ago

    I debated where to put this post but ultimately decided that it sort of stands on its own.  We are about 2.5 years into our ADD (Inattentive) diagnosis and approaching 1 year of real work on it (1 year was spent with him grieving/denying while I educated myself, 6 months really getting a handle on tools & waiting on appts and SLOOOW progress to manifest, and now I think we basically know what to do but it is difficult to do except under *ideal* circumstances).  When we are both on top of our game, we meet together regular and iron our the schedules, we each stay on top of what we need to handle, get it done well and happily while enjoying eachother and date nights and romantic time.  Our life together is awesome....and then there are months like this one...

     

    This has been a bad month for us and we knew going in that it was going to be.  I took on quite a bit of extra work so that we could take a vacation, which we are going to see the Grand Canyon for the first time in May :)  In order to keep everything flowing smoothly we need many things to be taking place.  He has to remember to take his meds regularly (this now happens most of the time)  He needs to be regularly meeting with and working with (he is meeting his coach, but she was at a conference for a week plus he has not been really DOING his work with her the last couple visits).  And we also need me to take a certain role in making sure we keep meetings with eachother and stay informed on what needs to be done and who is handling it  The problem is that our schedule has been screwy and I have not been taking the leadership role partly because I am busy and partly because I am ready for him to step up and lead this family. 

    He has ADD....fine we are educated about it, we have a buttload of tools, you are medicated, and you need to fulfill your family role regardless of other challenges.  I am tired of being ultimately responsible for everything.   Problem is as I get more overwhelmed, he seems to get more overwhelmed--in him this produces a *frozen* type effect where he gets little done.  We had a silly argument the other day because I was talking to him about something important and my laptop (which we needed at the time) started to die.  I asked him to hand me the plug and then he couldn't stop interrupting me to ask about the plug rather than listen to what I was saying about the issue (and it was IMPORTANT).  When  I replied that I had already told him the plug was in and charging and went back to what I was saying, he felt it necessary to interrupt me again to tell me WHY he kept asking about it charging. I wanted to scream I DON"T CARE!!  SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!  I didn't of course, but we both ended up angry and feeling unheard.  

    For me the core of anger was that he had the nerve to say to me, "You know I get distracted.  You shouldn't have asked for the cord and kept talking since you knew I would be distracted."  Ok first of all his ADD is not that terrible and yes he has a tendency to be distracted, but I don't accept that I can never ask for something I need while in a conversation.  Especally if I got up to get it when it was right next to him, he'd have gotten just as distracted.  I said "You have ADD and it is your responsibility to find ways to avoid distraction.  It is not other people's responsiblity to conform everything to you.  Stop blaming me for asking for the plug.  I agree that ideally I wouldn't have asked during a conversation, but it needed to be done THIS TIME, so you have to find a way to stay on the subject or to get back onto the subject."

    I just think ADD can become an excuse for everything.  It is a challenge, and being aware of it allows you to develop tools to deal with it. I get that.  I work with that all the time, but sometimes situations come up where you just have to control yourself.  It is just life. 

     

    We just got unreasonably upset about eachothers' viewpoints.  It wasn't worth that!  I think the problem is that we are not both staying on top of our game and then things start to unravel...I am sure this probably happens to everyone but with ADD it is another level.  We have the ability to have a marriage that works like a well-oiled machine (and I apologize for whining when I know a lot of you don't even have this option :(  ).  We love eachother dearly.  His ADD is not terrible.  We have lots of fun together.  But it is so hard that when he is overwhelmed, I have to step up and either take on some of his load or rework the system until he can get going again, but when I am overwhelmed everything comes to a grinding halt until I again can pick up and clear backlog and get us back on track.  I want a partner to keep things going well when I am not up to it.  That is what a partner is to me. 

    I have been gone a lot these last few weeks and when I am home, I am gathering tax papers.  I struggled all day yesterday to finalize everything and keep our afternoon appt to get our taxes done.  It was so hard to get what I needed from him...most of what he should have provided each quarter last year and at the latest at year end 4 MONTHS AGO.  Most of what he has been slowly providing over the last several months has been incomplete and had to be redone (which he claims is part of the reason he doesn't want to do it, but it is the same info every year so learn what to include!)  I felt like I had to ride him to get what I need at a time when I was PMSy and overwhelmed, and it is just so UNFAIR!  I gave him one assignment yesterday (not saying that is all he had to do....he had several others things also which got done).  BUT as far as taxes went he had one job, he had to take one 1099 and reconcile it with the work he did and the pay we received.  He had to do this because he kept very poor records of this particular job and we couldn't go by the filed stubs because he lost several of them.  We couldn't go by the deposits into our acct because he sometimes forgot to write what the deposit consisted of and the bank couldn't provide it for several of the deposits he made by ATM.  I felt it was only fair that he have to take care of it...a bit of consequences if you will...and he agreed.

    During the time he did this ONE tax assignment, I reconciled 10 other 1099s.  Now they weren't all complicated, but he only had to do ONE.  He finally told me it was done and I was printing out all the final paperwork by months when I realize that he didn't tell me that part of the coding needed to be changed in our computer....he noticed this on his printout, but didn't tell me cause that wasn't "what he was doing."  I blew a gasket...yelling about him not even able to do ONE THING to help our taxes on a busy overwhelming day.  He insisted that he DID his job.....which he only saw as reconciling rather than making sure that our record was actually correct.  I don't even see his side of this as what is the POINT of reconciling if you don't have a correct record at the end of it.  I took it from him and finished it as I now had to get an hour's extention for our appt (which I did make him call for).

     

    Then while I was having the taxes done a question came up on some notes he gotten from a phone call to the IRS.  He told me it had to be in 3 seperate sections which caused me to have to go through and change 4 items which were now in the wrong column, and I was mad at him for not telling me about it.  He thought I understood "from his side of the conversation"  So fine I change it, but he didn't clarify 1/2 the amount, so I called him back for clarification and he looked up the reference they'd given him & it turns out I had DONE IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!! ARGHHHH  If I could have whacked him upside the head with something I think I might have at that moment-- which made me glad he was not with me!!  Him too more than likely.

     

    We made our peace last night and called it tax time blahs.  He is sorry he wasn't more helpful and he claims I will have the first quarter of 2010 this weekend, so I feel we have a plan going forward (which we make every year but we have more ADD tools this time and I think it will be successful).  We got up and had a nice companionable Sunday morning preparing for our religious services.  Every month or so the booklet we use for the audience participation study changes.  He is responsible for picking up the booklets when they come in and putting them in our bookcase so they are ready when it comes time to change.   Last month he couldn't find them and we had to use a printout for the first week until we could replace them (this is because he doesn't look for them until Sunday morning) I HATE HATE HATE this and he doesn't like it either, but it happens every couple months or so.  When I finally had enough last month, he assured me that we had the next 4 or 5 months filed there and it wasn't going to happen again.   This morning he goes to get the new booklets and can't find them so we sit down to study together and he brings printouts.  I flat out refused to study with him.  I told him I am sick to death of him not taking care of his responsibilities.

     

    I know a lot of this is residual upset over not the entire month's stress, but I don't know how to get over it all.  How do you handle it when you are just SICK TO DEATH of either taking care of everything or having it be screwed up.  This is not about booklets or forms only, it is just about being frustrated with it all being screwy if he has a hand in it.  Not feeling like I have a soft place to fall when I am overwhelmed because I have to keep everything running.  I agree with not minimizing his feelings and putting things differently and trying to play to his strengths, but what about when you just don't have it in you and all you want to do keep his hands off everything becaues it would be easier but you cannot humanly do it.

     

    SO TIRED AND ANGRY AND OVERWHELMED TODAY!! :(

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