After divorce ten months ago I've had several friends come visit. Mostly one good friend at a time, but also small family gatherings, and the occasional friend's family with children.
It's been enjoyable, and I've mostly managed it. But socializing now knocks me out instead of filling me up. I don't want to admit it, but it's a fact. And the children, who aren't used to company after all the years of their father's depression and anxiety, are socially withdrawn which means I must work harder and sometimes feel awkward and overwhelmed.
Hosting a bigger event is way out of reach. I don't belong to any group of people anymore, have no social habits in common, no choice of games or music. Even family gatherings have tapered out to nothing, especially since the pandemic. And naturally because I have no contact with the former extended family in law.
This weekend I declined an invitation to an outdoor event with several people because I couldn't bear taking the children, feeling responsible for making everything work for everybody. I was so tired, just slept instead.
I don't remember how to have fun at parties. I only know how to take responsibility. Drinking a little and relaxing is a remote memory. Dancing is unthinkable. Imagine I used to love big parties and socialized many nights a week. Imagine I used to be fun.
Has anybody else had their social life dismembered by their ADHD marriage? How did you regain your social energy? When did you start to feel like yourselves?