Wow, I think I just threw my DH out of the apartment. Now, I'm not quite sure what to do.

He probably thinks I threw I threw him out for forgetting to look at the calendar, or forgetting a date that's important to me AGAIN, but that not really the reason.

Here's the thing, there are 8 days a year that are important to me, That I'd love him to remember, That I don't even have to write on the Calendar because they are already ON the calendar !

But I don't expect him to remember. I KNOW he has ADHD. After 8 Years of marriage, and tears, and finally reaching the end of my rope, I threatened to Divorce him if if didn't got to a doctor and get a shrink within 6 months. The results...

He FORGOT.

Honestly. The night before the deadline I broke down down into tears, and reminded him, and he told me he Forgot.

Then he told me he didn't want a divorce because he LOVES me. Why the hell would I believe that ?!?

He went to a doctor who said he was depressed and might have ADHD. Since then he has been on Welbutrin, which seems to only be making things worse. The Doctor doesn't seem interested in any input from me. And he has YET to see any counselor, for his behaviors.

I was in Healthcare for several years, with a specialty in Combative/abusive/aggressive/Dementia Patients. One might think I could handle Depression and ADHD.

Apparently I can't.

If there is a day your wife cries over your forgetting every year...and you love her.. put it on a post it note ! ! Put it in your cellphone ! Put it on ONE of your two tablets that you use to remind yourself of stuff !

But for Gods sake DO SOMETHING !

DH didn't.

So I told him that maybe he oughtta take his bag and go visit the guy who sometimes walks our dog.

Go me ?

Add: I think what I ws trying to say is that sometimes it's not the ADHD behavior that  makes spouses crazy, but the lack of action or effort to change the results.

We truly have sacraficed a lot for their sanity and rescued them. You must listen to this song on You Tube. 

Shooting Star by Harry Chapin

He was crazy of course
From the first she must have known it
But still she went on with him
And she never once had shown it

And she took him off the streets
And she dried his tears of grievin'
She listened to his visions
She believed in his believin'

Ah, he was the sun, burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy, holy

He was dancing to some music
No one else had ever heard
He'd speak in unknown languages
She'd translate every word

And when the world was laughing
At his castles in the sky
She'd hold him in her body
Till he once again would fly

Ah, he was the sun, burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy, holy

But she gave him a daughter
And she gave him a son
She was a mother and a wife
And a lover when the day was done

He was too far gone for giving love
What he'd offer in its stead
Was the knowledge she was the only thing
That was not in his head

He took off east one morning
In the rising sun's red glow
She knew he was going nowhere
But of course she let him go

As then she stood and watched him dwindle
Much too empty to be sad
He reappeared beside her saying
"You're all I've ever had"

Ah, he was the sun burning bright and brittle
And she was the moon shining back his light a little
He was a shooting star
She was softer and more slowly
He could not make things possible
But, she could make them holy, holy

My husband had a junior-high diagnosis of ADD that he blew off at the time--hey, every restless boy had ADD in the '90s, right?

But in 5 years of marriage, it's become clear that he isn't able to function independently as an adult, and he's reconsidering his diagnosis. He hasn't seen a doctor or therapist for it (we have seen marriage counselors who didn't pick up on the issues--he is embarrassed to have problems so he avoided actually discussing our marital issues with the counselors, and diverted the conversations to other topics). He would never consider taking medication, which is just as well because we're on the verge of being broke right now.

I'm climbing the walls. Looking for something to DO instead of becoming a raging lunatic or the Ice Queen. Are there specific coping mechanisms that have helped any of you with these issues?

• Hygiene. He didn't start applying antiperspirant until we were dating in college. He picks at his face in church, then smells what he's pulled from his skin, then flicks it into the pew in front of himself. He doesn't brush his teeth and, as I learned last week, has never flossed in his life and doesn't know how to do it. He hasn't been to a dentist in the last five years. And over the last few weeks I've seen him frequently picking his nose and then eating what he finds inside. 
• Gaming. He usually isn't playing open-ended games; he plays short games but won't stop clicking the button and starting a new game. He can't complete any task around the house; he wanders away after a few minutes and gets into the games. He sometimes gets up in the middle of a meal to start playing. If there's a crisis and I need his help, or if he's been gaming for days at a stretch and I'm so mad I can't see straight--I have tried to flat-out tell him  "Turn it off! I need you!" That's when he tunes me out entirely, stops speaking or responding, and just keeps clicking the buttons. I've broken down literally in tears, on my knees at the computer, saying "Please stop! Turn it off!" Now I know that this only makes him retreat further--but it stings to know that expressing my need and my pain is a guarantee I'll be ignored.
• Compulsive eating. He can't seem to avoid going out of his way to buy expensive convenience store junk food throughout the day. We've tried buying snacks in bulk at the grocery store--he just binges on them at home and still goes out while he's at work. Sometimes he won't eat dinner because he stopped for a hamburger on his way home for dinner. At one point he was paying for gym membership, telling me that he was going to work out, and going to eat at the MacDonald's around the corner instead. (He won't cook and usually just picks at the food I make, or refuses it outright and makes himself some chicken nuggets, hot dogs, or cold cereal--that's about the entirety of his diet at home.) His father died of complications from compulsive eating.
• Compulsive spending. He had a secret credit card the first year we were married, which he used to support his fast food habit. Now he just lies about the reasons he takes 10-20 dollars out of the bank account several times a week and always has pockets full of change but no cash. If we had more money coming in we might be able to separate our finances and give him more mad money; as it is, he gets $30 a month to spend on anything he wants, but he just uses our  household spending account to buy what he wants, regardless of whether he's spent his mad money yet.

I understand that he's never going to be the attentive, emotionally-open guy I thought I was marrying. But some of his behaviors are so far beyond the pale that any one of them would be a marriage-breaker, and I want to know if anybody has had success at supporting a spouse who's modifying these behaviors.