Today was a good day.  We got some things done, even tho I have a very nasty cold.   

Tonight, while I was taking a shower, I heard all this swearing.  I knew that H was feeding our dogs and that also means that our diabetic dog will get a shot right after.   We had gotten a brand new Rx for the insulin today.   When I heard the extensive swearing, I could only guess what had happened.  H had dropped the new bottle of insulin and broke it.   While still in the shower, I quickly asked what time it was hoping we could call the pharmacy before it closed.   H yelled at me to "give me time" to find out the time.   ?? he was in the kitchen....there is a clock on the stove and on the microwave!!!!   

Then H screamed at me and asked why I wanted to know the time and I told him why.   He called the pharmacy but it was too late....closed.   Luckily, we still had some insulin left in the "old bottle" which has not yet expired.    H came into the bathroom to YELL AT ME that the pharmacy is closed and that he did call because he always does what I want, and that I never do anything that HE wants.   (omg!)

I didn't reprimand H for not being careful.  I didn't scold him.   I literally said NOTHING about his dropping the bottle to make him feel bad  (ALTHO I have told him MANY times to ONLY handle the bottle while it's above a table or counter, so if it drops, it won't drop far and break.)    We keep the bottles in a padded thermal container in the fridge, so moving the container from fridge to counter is no risk if that were to drop.     . So, once I cleaned up the mess on the floor , it was obvious that H was handling the bottle over the floor (in the middle of the kitchen).   I said nothing because saying anything at that point would be worthless and just make him more angry.

H gave the dog his shot using the old (but still ok) insulin, and then slammed the bedroom door.   Then he came out and said that I get a reprieve for being sick, but that once I'm well, he's going to yell at me because he's still angry at something our son did over 2 years ago.   (this is his old "go to" complaint that he drums up whenever he's upset.)

So....a good day is now ruined because H wasn't careful and dropped/broke the dogs insulin. 

Now...of course, everyone drops things occasionally.   That's why we take extra careful steps when handling special things.  

But, H is frequently dropping/breaking things.  Yesterday, he picked up my coffee cup and dropped it....breaking it.  He has broken 1 iPad, I laptop, and 2 Tablets within 7 months....all due to clumsy behavior....dropping them, stepping on them (after he set his tablet down by the bed, he stepped on it).   He has knocked the mirror off the side of his car, dented the side of our son's car by dropping a heavy object near it, dented the back of my car by backing into something, backed his own car into a mailbox, etc.

He's just not careful (his parents NEVER taught him to be CAREFUL.)  (idiots!)

I knew that as soon as he dropped that insulin and the fact that I wasn't nearby to directly blame, that he would somehow change gears so that he could yell at me.....and he did.

My husband's job for the past almost four years has been as caregiver for his elderly parents.  It began as a four-days per week gig; now he's there full time.  Since starting this arrangement, my husband has almost never called when he is at his parents.  (I'd estimate that he has called fewer than 20 times in the four years.)  HIs mom's health has been deteriorating quite a bit this winter.  I encouraged my husband to get his mom to the doctor (she hadn't even been outside the house n 8 months) to find out what was wrong with her, including whether she'd be eligible for hospice care.  Hospice care:  people coming to the house!  Husband and his dad getting some respite!  I called H two weeks ago, just before the doctor's appointment.  He told me it was good to talk with me and he'd call back the next night.  Of course, he didn't.  I was very curious about what was going on, and also concerned, because he didn't respond to an email I sent yesterday (and resent today) that said "Please acknowledge."  I called him tonight.  His mom is getting hospice services!  Yay!  H didn't thank me; he didn't ask about my life; he didn't ask about our daughters.  He talked about himself and his life.  I asked him if he would tell one of his brothers that I was the one who first suggested getting hospice care for their mom.  I could tell that H's reaction was, "Um, why?"  Well, the reason is that H previously managed to leave this brother with the impression that the only reason H doesn't spend any time at our home is because I've made him unwelcome (basically rewriting the history of our relationship).  H still doesn't get why this bothers me and doesn't understand why I'd like him to rehabilitate my image with his brother.  I feel as though I don't exist.

I don't know if this is an ADHD issue or what. But you all have experience that I don't have, so I'm hoping you have some advice.

my ADHD boyfriend and I just got into a fight. He seems to think its ok for couples to curse at each other. Jokingly, angrily, whatever. But if I get angry and accidentally curse at him, which I immediately regret, he's SO offended and SO hung up on it. 

Finally, I got so tired of the argument, that I gave up. I said fine. We'll do this relationship the way you think it's supposed to be. You think your experience makes you wiser in that it's ok for couples to curse at each other, fine. You think I'm the crazy one to think that it's not ok. Then we will curse at each other and I won't get upset at you and you won't get upset at me.

It just drives me crazy how hypocritical he is. In our argument, he said that "it's not what someone says to someone who they claim to love". That's my exact point. 

First, am I wrong here? Am I crazy to think that it's not healthy for couples to curse at each other? That yes, it may happen, but we should make an effort not to. To choose better words. If I'm wrong, can someone please explain and help me understand?

Second, if I'm not the crazy one, how can I make him understand?

i appreciate any feedback. Thank you

These are my stories too.  My husband must have ADHD.  For 30, yes thirty, years,  I have lived with a man who has lost job after job and can't explain why.  We are currently suffering financially because his job situation just continues to get worse due to his lack of focus and organization.  He can't carry out simple tasks because he gets distracted doing others.  He never remembers anything I tell him and it makes me feel like he just doesn't care.  In the beginning of our marraige, he was so focused on me but lost that focus and now we barely communicate.  He can't hold a conversation for any length of time and a lot of the time falls asleep instead of listening.  If he attempts to read anything, he falls asleep.  Therefore, anything that relates to paperwork or paying bills, I am in charge of.  I feel like the biggest nag but what I have become is his mother.  I hate what I have become.....he is like having another child, a 58 year old child and I am just tired.  Tired and depressed and kind of done.  I am obviously angry at myself and at him.  I asked him years ago to go see someone because something was just not right.....of course, he never followed through.  I think I want to leave.....I have spent 30 years doing this.......I don't know that I am capable of doing the work to try and fix it.....I am too exhausted.